You know, now that this being alone stuff is really sinking in, another reality is coming with it. I don't want to blow it. I want to do the right things - just like I was doing while I was standing for my marriage. This past year I have been living my life like God wanted me to. I need to keep it up.
There are new challenges now though aren't there. There are the invitations to go dancing, there are even invitations to "hook up" that I need to deal with. Right now, I don't think I am safe to do either of them. I don't want to live in fear of myself, but I reallly need to be careful because I am who I am. I am a drug addict, not an active one, but there's that piece of me that lies dormant and hopefully will never awaken again. One I am very careful of. I face the truth that I have an addictive personality and I need to watch my step.
I know that I need to work very hard to stay in line with God's will for my life. Tonight after worship rehearsal I went to pick up my daughter from my mother's house and my mom and I ran over to Taco Bell to get a burrito. As we were sitting in a booth discussing the latest article about the furlough fight hitting the courts, a taco bell worker, a young man probably 18 years old, said to me "You go to Cornerstone Community Church don't you?" I said that I did and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and told me that he knows me from CCC. That he was going there til a few months ago. I don't recall seeing this boy, but my mom did from a visit she made to church probably 8 months ago. It made me think. This young man was really happy to see me. I had made a good impression on him and it showed.
I want to be honorable and when I say which church I go to, I don't want people to say bad things because they've seen me behaving badly. Things like well there goes another person saying they are a christian and not walking the walk. I'm not going to her church. No, I want people to see me and say hey, which church do you go to, I see how strong you are in your faith, maybe I'll come check it out with you some Sunday. No, I can't blow it.
Today I ask you to please pray that we all see what we mean and that we need to stand up and fight blowing it. That if we do blow it, we admit it, get up and try harder to not blow it again.
Hallelujah!
I am not one who ever did anything that was not expected. I was a good girl. A goody-good from day one. When my husband left I found myself one night at a club with a 26 year old who was buying me drinks. I was flattered. I have never ever gone to a club before. I wasn't thinking much of it when it all started except maybe I'm no so ugly afterall. Just trying to have a good time. But he bought so many drinks it got to a point where I knew I was in trouble and he was taking advantage. It was a horrible moment for me because there was this black mark on my stellar record. I was devastated with myself, left and cried the whole way home. But I learned that I don't need to be playing in the devil's playground. I avoided that when I was young and single for the same reasons I should avoid it when I'm older. It leads to sin which ultimately leads to heartache and pain. No good thing can come of it. Stay strong. Stay in the Word. Don't believe the lies.
ReplyDeleteYou are so very right my friend.
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