Today's service was so powerfully good and full of the holy spirit that I almost can't describe it, but let me give it my best shot. Today the message was a continuation of the series "Heaven Can Wait" and I GOT IT!!! Today I felt all of the things I have been growing into come to an understanding. I have worked and prayed really hard within myself to let go of everything, fear, worry, what I thought I wanted and give it all to God. I have been doing a pretty good job, but today I really gained an understanding of why.
This life is truly nothing to what awaits us. When my final judgement day comes I am going to be ready. I have found myself - although on this earth, I live to share the good news with all I am and let the light of Jesus shine through me, I have found myself almost not caring. In that not caring, I have gained a trust that all will be well even when things aren't according to what the world thinks I should have or be. I know that as long as I keep doing my best to be the best me I can be, everything else will fall into place.
Today in church the presence of the Holy Spirit poured out. I always remark how I look around and just love the people in my church. What a blessing it is to have this second home for my daughter and I.
In regards to my Celebration of Life Party, I am so excited and feel so strongly that this is more than anything about me, this is all about what He has done in me and for me and promises to do through me. I am praying that at this celebration, people, christian and non christian will be gathered together to share a day of love. In those short five hours, it is my desire that all present will know what they mean to me and will meet and enjoy the company of others. People to me are so special and all present will have a particular reason as to why they are there and I hope each will know how they have touched mine or my daughter's life.
I am grateful, so very grateful to all who are helping me to make this celebration come together. My mother is helping me with decorations, invitations, etc. My friends for helping me to cook. The friend who got me the hall. The friend who is praying that the perfect red and white dress show itself to me. My pastor who is going to say a few words. The person who is helping me with the sound system. God, who is ordaining this celebration and who knows that all the glory will go to Him. I just know that this celebration is from him and He will help everything turn out perfectly according to His will. I just feel something special about this upcoming day and I hope that anybody who reads this will come fill the venue with their presence. There promises to be something for everybody.
God is great. Just join with me in celebrating that fact this evening.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Freedom and Celebration of Life
I have realized lately how blessed I am and how blessed I have always been. I have pondered where I've been how God let me go through things yet how He never let go of me. How much He is with me.
My daughter made the competitive soccer team, at least for a rarely given three month "tryout". During this next three months, as she has had for the last few weeks, she is taking full advantage of the opportunity to have practices with not only her teams' wonderful coach, but with the Sac State Women's coach and other visiting coaches. What a great opportunity this is for her, someone who has lived a life of soccer, but not had the chance to play in such an arena as this. As I arrived at practice the other night and watched her doing the drills and playing some scrimmage in one of the densest fogs I can remember, I remarked and praised God.
I thanked God for this opportunity for her. I thanked him for how I felt during this time. As I stood there in that misty fog under a tree that kept dropping drops of accumulated mist on my head, I felt free. I had nothing to worry about, or I chose to worry about nothing because of my faith in Him. I didn't have to worry that I had so much to do at home, that somebody else would be mad at me for any reason upon arriving home. I was free to stand there and enjoy watching her play and felt every bit grateful for that freedom so I stood there and just praised God.
I'm throwing myself a birthday party. I'm calling it Dianne's Fabulous Forties Finally Fly Forth. Long title for saying that til now, my forties - which I so anticipated in my thirties to be great, have not been so great, but now is the time and the rest of them will be wonderful. I am actually looking forward to it being a celebration of life, one that God is making happen.
I have been given a rental hall that holds 280 with a huge banquet room and a stage and a large dance floor at a price I can afford. I believe I have the music covered. The short program is coming together and one of my dearest friends is travling to be with me for this event. There will be a little kids area as well as an area for the older kids to hang out and play board games or cards. There will be great food as I am making some - that and I will ask people to bring something to share as I love not only sharing life, but sharing food. I am inviting everybody I know, because what an opportunity to bring these people together to share in this celebration of life. I just feel that God wants this to happen because everything is coming together as it should. Heck there's room for 280 and I want to fill the place with this joy, freedom, love and peace that God is filling me with. I just know that it is going to be a wonderful afternoon. Hopefully I will see you there.
Today I ask you to joing me in prayer that we don't walk by how we feel, but that we do take the time to acknowledge how we feel and rejoice in feeling good and grateful - even at times when we have cause to worry. That we acknowlege that God is great and sometimes, He really wants us to celebrate life.
Hallelujah!!!
My daughter made the competitive soccer team, at least for a rarely given three month "tryout". During this next three months, as she has had for the last few weeks, she is taking full advantage of the opportunity to have practices with not only her teams' wonderful coach, but with the Sac State Women's coach and other visiting coaches. What a great opportunity this is for her, someone who has lived a life of soccer, but not had the chance to play in such an arena as this. As I arrived at practice the other night and watched her doing the drills and playing some scrimmage in one of the densest fogs I can remember, I remarked and praised God.
I thanked God for this opportunity for her. I thanked him for how I felt during this time. As I stood there in that misty fog under a tree that kept dropping drops of accumulated mist on my head, I felt free. I had nothing to worry about, or I chose to worry about nothing because of my faith in Him. I didn't have to worry that I had so much to do at home, that somebody else would be mad at me for any reason upon arriving home. I was free to stand there and enjoy watching her play and felt every bit grateful for that freedom so I stood there and just praised God.
I'm throwing myself a birthday party. I'm calling it Dianne's Fabulous Forties Finally Fly Forth. Long title for saying that til now, my forties - which I so anticipated in my thirties to be great, have not been so great, but now is the time and the rest of them will be wonderful. I am actually looking forward to it being a celebration of life, one that God is making happen.
I have been given a rental hall that holds 280 with a huge banquet room and a stage and a large dance floor at a price I can afford. I believe I have the music covered. The short program is coming together and one of my dearest friends is travling to be with me for this event. There will be a little kids area as well as an area for the older kids to hang out and play board games or cards. There will be great food as I am making some - that and I will ask people to bring something to share as I love not only sharing life, but sharing food. I am inviting everybody I know, because what an opportunity to bring these people together to share in this celebration of life. I just feel that God wants this to happen because everything is coming together as it should. Heck there's room for 280 and I want to fill the place with this joy, freedom, love and peace that God is filling me with. I just know that it is going to be a wonderful afternoon. Hopefully I will see you there.
Today I ask you to joing me in prayer that we don't walk by how we feel, but that we do take the time to acknowledge how we feel and rejoice in feeling good and grateful - even at times when we have cause to worry. That we acknowlege that God is great and sometimes, He really wants us to celebrate life.
Hallelujah!!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Giving Myself a Break
Through this 21 day Daniel fast, God has been revealing many things to my heart. One of those big things is that I am doing ok. I have discovered that I can be pretty hard on myself and demand so very much of myself that I need to take a step back and see all I have accomplished in order to take a step forward and grow in Christ. I have become so busy doing that I have not been able to just be. I am not talking in any way shape or form about complacency, I am talking about basking in the the glow of Christ and enjoying all that I am and am becoming in Him.
Although I have no plans whatsoever in slowing down in my pursuit of Him, I have decided to take this spring to allow myself to enjoy some of this life around me and my family as well as spread the love of Christ in areas besides in church. I am going to be taking a harmonica class starting next month as I have for so very long wanted to learn to play this instrument and I am vowing to do this. I am going to reconnect with an old friend and go every other week on a walk with the Sacramento Walking Sticks with her. I am going to eat dinner with my mother at least every other week as well. I am getting serious now about my training for the half marathon. I am taking a golf class on Saturday mornings to help me cut the cost of my bus pass, and hey, who knows what God has in store regarding this class. I'm devoting myself to raising my girl and trying to find ways to raise the money that will allow for her to go to Fiji with her youth group this summer.
I will be in church every Sunday worshiping God with my church family. I missed a Sunday recently to prepare for my fast, but I must be honest and say that I hate to miss church, so that is something I rarely will ever do. I am simply giving myself a little break from the have to's and letting myself do some of the want to's of life, all the while doing the do's that Christ calls me to and avoiding the dont's. This Daniel fast has shown me that it is ok for me to relax on myself a little bit. I don't have to be perfect for God to love me. I don't have to try so hard. Heck, I'm hoping to even be able to join my family for Sunday dinners, maybe I'll just let myself do that.
Today join me in prayer that we sometimes just give ourselves a break and trust that we will be ok in doing so.
Hallelujah!
Although I have no plans whatsoever in slowing down in my pursuit of Him, I have decided to take this spring to allow myself to enjoy some of this life around me and my family as well as spread the love of Christ in areas besides in church. I am going to be taking a harmonica class starting next month as I have for so very long wanted to learn to play this instrument and I am vowing to do this. I am going to reconnect with an old friend and go every other week on a walk with the Sacramento Walking Sticks with her. I am going to eat dinner with my mother at least every other week as well. I am getting serious now about my training for the half marathon. I am taking a golf class on Saturday mornings to help me cut the cost of my bus pass, and hey, who knows what God has in store regarding this class. I'm devoting myself to raising my girl and trying to find ways to raise the money that will allow for her to go to Fiji with her youth group this summer.
I will be in church every Sunday worshiping God with my church family. I missed a Sunday recently to prepare for my fast, but I must be honest and say that I hate to miss church, so that is something I rarely will ever do. I am simply giving myself a little break from the have to's and letting myself do some of the want to's of life, all the while doing the do's that Christ calls me to and avoiding the dont's. This Daniel fast has shown me that it is ok for me to relax on myself a little bit. I don't have to be perfect for God to love me. I don't have to try so hard. Heck, I'm hoping to even be able to join my family for Sunday dinners, maybe I'll just let myself do that.
Today join me in prayer that we sometimes just give ourselves a break and trust that we will be ok in doing so.
Hallelujah!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I So Love God
God is so totally great and amazing. In hindsight, I think I set one of the best examples for my daughter yesterday that I could have possibly done. One without even trying. I woke up yesterday morning and don't know what was going on, but I woke up feeling as if God was trying to tell me something about my whatever. I felt this calmness speaking to me and woke up praying for my whatever.
I proceeded to go to the river with a friend and my dog for a nice walk and followed it with a nice breakfast out - totally adhering to my Daniel fast with a bowl of oatmeal to included berries and nuts and raisins. It was great. Anyways, I came home and as usual, a tinge of sadness came with me that it was Whatever that I spent that good morning with. However, I brushed it aside and then the unthinkable happened. Whatever called me. I melted afterwards and fell apart.
Well, I went into my room where my daughter was and was crying, stating that this is not what God wanted, for everything to fall to me, for families to fall apart, etc, but the whole time I'm crying I am changing clothes into my running clothes and as I am still wiping the tears away, I am saying I am going to go for a run to get all of this "crap" out of me and run I did. I came back from that run, no longer crying, and went on with what turned out to be a great day. All pretty much because I chose to not stay in that frame of mind. What a great example I set without even trying. I followed it up this morning as I told her that when she has bad days or bad moments, she doesn't have to let them stick. She can do something like I did to get herself out of of them and can always remember that the moment may suck, but she will be ok and tomorrows are always brand new days.
You know, I have received three huge blessings since yesterday that I am still praising God for and above all, I am praising Him for the fact that I am certain these blessings came because even if I don't always walk a perfect walk, I try constantly to stay on the straight and narrow. Two of those blessings are in relation to my daughter and one of them, a biggie is all about me. God has showed me that I am ok and that I am on the right path. Dang, made me feel like a million bucks. I guess He really does have plans to prosper and not harm us.
This Daniel fast has been so very good for me. Oh my gosh though, I just can't wait til the moment that I can bite into a McDonald's cheeseburger loaded with french fries. What heaven on Earth that will be for me. I won't lie and say I haven't thought of eating that burger now, but I know, that if I wait for the legitimate end to my fast, that thing that taunts me in my dreams - that cheeseburger, will be enjoyed so very much more. The other night, I was so ready to give into that call and found myself covering that non call of God with prayer and guess what, it worked.
Today as I rode home on my bus this man was questioning me about my church and my faith, stating that he wants some of what I have, a happiness he says he sees in me. He asked me what do I do about all the "evil people". "Don't you just want to fight evil with evil?" I said no, I wanted to let the light of Jesus shine through me and love them like Jesus and fight evil with love. That man wants to visit my church.
I love God. I love what He is doing through me and how much He is showing me he loves me - even if I, for just a split second, was thinking of joining the world on that not so long ago New Year's eve and how just the thoughts of sinning really did somewhat separate me from God. God must see me though that I don't want to be separated from Him and that no matter what it takes, I know what I need to do to stay close to Him. I turned on the Sirius music channel the other morning and the song that came on spoke of everything we need to remember: It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade, when black and white turn to grey when thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day. So be careful little eyes what you see. For the father up above is looking down in love, so be carely little eyes what you see. I don't want to fade, hopefully you don't either.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we always remember who we are in Christ. That nothing needs to keep us down. That if we get down we remember that we can turn the situation around. That we set a good example to somebody who maybe will remember us someday and what we did in a situation and how we picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off, even if we cried while we did it.
Hallelujah!
I proceeded to go to the river with a friend and my dog for a nice walk and followed it with a nice breakfast out - totally adhering to my Daniel fast with a bowl of oatmeal to included berries and nuts and raisins. It was great. Anyways, I came home and as usual, a tinge of sadness came with me that it was Whatever that I spent that good morning with. However, I brushed it aside and then the unthinkable happened. Whatever called me. I melted afterwards and fell apart.
Well, I went into my room where my daughter was and was crying, stating that this is not what God wanted, for everything to fall to me, for families to fall apart, etc, but the whole time I'm crying I am changing clothes into my running clothes and as I am still wiping the tears away, I am saying I am going to go for a run to get all of this "crap" out of me and run I did. I came back from that run, no longer crying, and went on with what turned out to be a great day. All pretty much because I chose to not stay in that frame of mind. What a great example I set without even trying. I followed it up this morning as I told her that when she has bad days or bad moments, she doesn't have to let them stick. She can do something like I did to get herself out of of them and can always remember that the moment may suck, but she will be ok and tomorrows are always brand new days.
You know, I have received three huge blessings since yesterday that I am still praising God for and above all, I am praising Him for the fact that I am certain these blessings came because even if I don't always walk a perfect walk, I try constantly to stay on the straight and narrow. Two of those blessings are in relation to my daughter and one of them, a biggie is all about me. God has showed me that I am ok and that I am on the right path. Dang, made me feel like a million bucks. I guess He really does have plans to prosper and not harm us.
This Daniel fast has been so very good for me. Oh my gosh though, I just can't wait til the moment that I can bite into a McDonald's cheeseburger loaded with french fries. What heaven on Earth that will be for me. I won't lie and say I haven't thought of eating that burger now, but I know, that if I wait for the legitimate end to my fast, that thing that taunts me in my dreams - that cheeseburger, will be enjoyed so very much more. The other night, I was so ready to give into that call and found myself covering that non call of God with prayer and guess what, it worked.
Today as I rode home on my bus this man was questioning me about my church and my faith, stating that he wants some of what I have, a happiness he says he sees in me. He asked me what do I do about all the "evil people". "Don't you just want to fight evil with evil?" I said no, I wanted to let the light of Jesus shine through me and love them like Jesus and fight evil with love. That man wants to visit my church.
I love God. I love what He is doing through me and how much He is showing me he loves me - even if I, for just a split second, was thinking of joining the world on that not so long ago New Year's eve and how just the thoughts of sinning really did somewhat separate me from God. God must see me though that I don't want to be separated from Him and that no matter what it takes, I know what I need to do to stay close to Him. I turned on the Sirius music channel the other morning and the song that came on spoke of everything we need to remember: It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade, when black and white turn to grey when thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day. So be careful little eyes what you see. For the father up above is looking down in love, so be carely little eyes what you see. I don't want to fade, hopefully you don't either.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we always remember who we are in Christ. That nothing needs to keep us down. That if we get down we remember that we can turn the situation around. That we set a good example to somebody who maybe will remember us someday and what we did in a situation and how we picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off, even if we cried while we did it.
Hallelujah!
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Prisoner of Hope
Today as I was listening to my morning sermon by my "other Pastor", he spoke of something that caught my heart. I am on day 5 of a 21 day fast and am doing a full out Daniel fast with the only moderation to it being I am drinking that a Slim Fast for breakfast each day. Because I have been feeling crunchy as of lately, I selected something to seek God for, but have specifically asked for Him to surprise me by showing me what He wants me to see during this time. I was pleasantly surprised and gave Him all the glory two days ago when He brought something to the forefront that I needed to see. Today, God confirmed that He had been speaking to my heart the other day when I heard this morning's sermon.
The messages this week have revolved around the blood of Jesus and what that blood means in our lives. The pastor spoke on Zachariah 9:12 today and told of how we can become prisoners of hope. I realized I have been such a prisoner, and I have been one for too long. I am constantly amazed at how God, when we listen to him really does have so much to share with us. I have just felt kind of crunchy this past few days, but the cool thing is, Praise God, I have learned to not go by how I feel, but to instead, continue on in what I know. I know God loves me no matter what. I know that He has my back and I know that I am to never give up.
Sometimes this life hurts and although I don't fully grasp how God can turn ashes into beauty, I do see that He does just that. I won't lie though, it is not a fun process and I am not enjoying all the molding He is doing in my life, but the truth of the matter is is this is what it is and I have to go through all of this anyways, so why not give it all to him and let him. I guess it really does make sense to "let go and let God." I'm doing just that, even if I don't feel like it.
That's where the funky hope comes in darnit. I still have this little glimmer of hope, even though I know it's not what God wants for me that I don't have to be molded and made into something I never thought I'd have to be. However, there is a new hope. A hope that is becoming a reality and one that won't imprison me in it. A hope that has more freedom and light than I can really even begin to grasp at this moment. I hope that is real and will come true.
I am grateful to God that He is speaking to me in this fast. I am grateful to Him for this newfound hope and that He is replacing a falsely placed hope with hope in Him. I remember a woman who spoke at my church recently who had been deeply hurt and abandoned by her husband and before she was able to begin to receive healing, she found herself in a treatment facility looking out the window, as she had done for many days and realized that her husband was not going to come "rescue" her. That was a huge hurt for her, a breaking point, but also a breakthrough. I think I have had a breakthrough and it hurts, but right here in the midst of it, I know that it is a beginning, a new starting point. Now the hope of healing, real healing can begin to take the place of that false hope. After all, that is my goal, to heal and to no longer be a prisoner of hope.
Today, join with me in praising God that there are people brave enough to share what they have been through so as to help others heal. Join with me in praising God for breakthroughs that give us correctly placed hope. Join with me in praising God that when we come to these breakthroughs we realize that we must continue on, no matter how we feel because tomorrow is another day and we walk by faith.
Hallelujah!
The messages this week have revolved around the blood of Jesus and what that blood means in our lives. The pastor spoke on Zachariah 9:12 today and told of how we can become prisoners of hope. I realized I have been such a prisoner, and I have been one for too long. I am constantly amazed at how God, when we listen to him really does have so much to share with us. I have just felt kind of crunchy this past few days, but the cool thing is, Praise God, I have learned to not go by how I feel, but to instead, continue on in what I know. I know God loves me no matter what. I know that He has my back and I know that I am to never give up.
Sometimes this life hurts and although I don't fully grasp how God can turn ashes into beauty, I do see that He does just that. I won't lie though, it is not a fun process and I am not enjoying all the molding He is doing in my life, but the truth of the matter is is this is what it is and I have to go through all of this anyways, so why not give it all to him and let him. I guess it really does make sense to "let go and let God." I'm doing just that, even if I don't feel like it.
That's where the funky hope comes in darnit. I still have this little glimmer of hope, even though I know it's not what God wants for me that I don't have to be molded and made into something I never thought I'd have to be. However, there is a new hope. A hope that is becoming a reality and one that won't imprison me in it. A hope that has more freedom and light than I can really even begin to grasp at this moment. I hope that is real and will come true.
I am grateful to God that He is speaking to me in this fast. I am grateful to Him for this newfound hope and that He is replacing a falsely placed hope with hope in Him. I remember a woman who spoke at my church recently who had been deeply hurt and abandoned by her husband and before she was able to begin to receive healing, she found herself in a treatment facility looking out the window, as she had done for many days and realized that her husband was not going to come "rescue" her. That was a huge hurt for her, a breaking point, but also a breakthrough. I think I have had a breakthrough and it hurts, but right here in the midst of it, I know that it is a beginning, a new starting point. Now the hope of healing, real healing can begin to take the place of that false hope. After all, that is my goal, to heal and to no longer be a prisoner of hope.
Today, join with me in praising God that there are people brave enough to share what they have been through so as to help others heal. Join with me in praising God for breakthroughs that give us correctly placed hope. Join with me in praising God that when we come to these breakthroughs we realize that we must continue on, no matter how we feel because tomorrow is another day and we walk by faith.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Experiencing the Spirit
My church had it's kickoff to our 21 days of prayer, fasting and devotions with our Experiencing the Spirit service this evening. My God how I love my church and the people in it. I watched our pastor annoint each and every person there with oil and prayed for each of them as he did so and I just remarked how I care so much for the people in my church - even if I didn't know their names. They are my family and I believe that just about every person there would reach out to help my daughter and I if we had a need and I know that we would do the same for them.
I am so excited for this next 21 days. I have chosen to do a Daniel Fast and spent the better part of this day in preparation for it by cooking beans, shopping (I even bought vegetables that I will force myself to eat which is a biggie) and just really spending some time pondering what I am hoping to happen in this next 21 days. I just feel as if God is going to do something great for me personally and for my church as a whole. Being as I don't lie to you I have to tell you something.
I have been really struggling with John 14:13-14 lately. It just seems like every time I turn around this last few months, I am hearing these two verses. "And I will do whatever you ask in my name so that the son will bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it." I really have only been asking one thing from God and that has been to restore my husband to him so that my marriage will be restored. Every time I hear a pastor saying these verses - and it seems to be frequent lately, I get more confused. Is God talking to me telling me to hang in there? Is Satan messing with me just trying to say look what He says and it's not coming true. I DON'T KNOW!! I am so messed up with these two verses.
Therefore, it is my fervent prayer through this fast that I be an open vessel to hear God's voice and to understand what He means in my case when He states this promise to me. This fast couldn't come at a better time for me. I need to focus on God right now. In light of some stuff I have been going through, most of it my own fault, I need to focus. I think I am going to be able to, with God's help, make this fast. My kidney infection is healed now and I am back at my Insanity program and have started running again in preparation for my half marathon in March. Combine these factors with the daily devotionals and the healthy eating. I am going to be such a clean vessel for God to speak to and through. I just can't wait to be used by Him and for Him to show me more of what He wants for me. Who knows, maybe He'll explain those verses in John to me. All I know right now is that I hope to spend some more time experiencing His spirit.
Today, join me in prayer for all the churches and the people that are partaking in this 21 day experience that we all find our more about God's will in our lives, our churches and our communities.
Hallelujah!
I am so excited for this next 21 days. I have chosen to do a Daniel Fast and spent the better part of this day in preparation for it by cooking beans, shopping (I even bought vegetables that I will force myself to eat which is a biggie) and just really spending some time pondering what I am hoping to happen in this next 21 days. I just feel as if God is going to do something great for me personally and for my church as a whole. Being as I don't lie to you I have to tell you something.
I have been really struggling with John 14:13-14 lately. It just seems like every time I turn around this last few months, I am hearing these two verses. "And I will do whatever you ask in my name so that the son will bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it." I really have only been asking one thing from God and that has been to restore my husband to him so that my marriage will be restored. Every time I hear a pastor saying these verses - and it seems to be frequent lately, I get more confused. Is God talking to me telling me to hang in there? Is Satan messing with me just trying to say look what He says and it's not coming true. I DON'T KNOW!! I am so messed up with these two verses.
Therefore, it is my fervent prayer through this fast that I be an open vessel to hear God's voice and to understand what He means in my case when He states this promise to me. This fast couldn't come at a better time for me. I need to focus on God right now. In light of some stuff I have been going through, most of it my own fault, I need to focus. I think I am going to be able to, with God's help, make this fast. My kidney infection is healed now and I am back at my Insanity program and have started running again in preparation for my half marathon in March. Combine these factors with the daily devotionals and the healthy eating. I am going to be such a clean vessel for God to speak to and through. I just can't wait to be used by Him and for Him to show me more of what He wants for me. Who knows, maybe He'll explain those verses in John to me. All I know right now is that I hope to spend some more time experiencing His spirit.
Today, join me in prayer for all the churches and the people that are partaking in this 21 day experience that we all find our more about God's will in our lives, our churches and our communities.
Hallelujah!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A continuation: Sin Really Does Separate us from God
I wrote after New Year's Eve how my plan to sin really separated me from God. First off, I need to make clear that I really did not end up drinking to excess, nor did I end up using my designated driver. The thing to me was that I did plan on doing those things. I planned on throwing all caution to the wind and I planned on living outside of God's will for that night. That's where the door got opened.
What I've learned from this big plan of mine. I have learned that when we plan on sinning, it's just about the same as if we did the sin. I have learned that it can cause the door to be opened for more sin to come into your life. I have learned that Satan attacks you harder because he sees that you are just a bit vulnerable in an area so he sends out so very many fiery darts in other areas because you allowed yourself to become weak in one or others. It's almost as if he sees an opening and even though you've closed that door, possibly you haven't locked it airtight enough and he sees a glimmer of light poking through the keyhole so he just bombards you with darts around that light trying to open the hole even wider. I have learned that you have to work to strengthen yourself even harder than you were had you just stayed standing in the manner that you were. I have learned that God loves me no matter what and that He has already used my decision to show me even more how much I need Him in my life.
I think I must be going through another piece of the anger stage of grieving the loss of my marriage. I tell myself, "really, you aren't over that yet?" No, I'm not. Darn him though, why should I have to be facing all this everything alone, he was supposed to have been part of my sheild. One of my favorite thoughts is "If you stay committed long enough, there is a glorious side that you will experience beyond anything you can comprehend." I learned that in the context of marriage, but I am so not able to use that in that context, so I am working really hard on turning that around to be applicable to my walk with God. My choosing to plan on going against God's will for my life and all the ramifications surrounding that choice have caused me to see the truth in that statement. I know that I just need to - as Jeremy Camp says, stay, right here in the light so that I won't walk away. I am choosing now to stay because I do see the light.
In my "pre-choice" days, I had complete trust in God. I am so happy to say that that hasn't wavered, however, there is a guilt that I have self-imposed that tells me why should God want to be there for me as I trust that He is (He will be with us always) if I am so easy to want to break free of all the abuse my Whatever did to me by going the way of the world, even if only for one night? Well, don't worry, I am staying there. I am putting all guilt aside because of the fact that I am making a choice, again, to not stay in choosing to go against God's will for me. I am choosing to get back up, and love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and strength and try to make a difference in the world by letting the light of Him shine through me. Besides, if I just do the do's, I won't have to worry about not doing the don'ts because the dont's will just fade away in all the blessings that come from the do's.
Oh, and one more thing. I know that I tell on myself in this blog. I do that for a reason. One of them is because I am honest and I am real. God wants me no other way and God knows I have tried to be different, but He made me like this. I don't learn from people who act one way and are another. In fact, for me it's quite the opposite. If someone is portraying themself as one way and I see that they really are way different, I get mad and turn away. Call it a bad character trait, but I don't like dishonesty and I can deal with it once, twice, but usually by the third strike, "They're OUT!!" Well, I began this blog to help others as well as to help myself. If just one person sees just one other person messing up, getting up and continueing forward, maybe, just maybe they will get up themselves. That's really all I want. That and to keep on knowing that sin really does separate us from God and we don't want that to happen.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer for me, I know, we've been here before. I ask for prayer that those fiery darts bounce right off that door, and don't cause that keyhole to widen. I ask you to pray that the super glue, the rubber cement, the Elmer's that I have here in my house and am applying to that keyhole do the trick. That I am behind that door and see those agents drying and, yes, I hear the darts hitting the door, but I'm behind that door trusting that closed keyhole and standing in the light preparing to open that door and walk outside because I'm ready and I can.
Hallelujah and Happy Happy New Year! I say do the do's and the dont's will take care of themselves.
What I've learned from this big plan of mine. I have learned that when we plan on sinning, it's just about the same as if we did the sin. I have learned that it can cause the door to be opened for more sin to come into your life. I have learned that Satan attacks you harder because he sees that you are just a bit vulnerable in an area so he sends out so very many fiery darts in other areas because you allowed yourself to become weak in one or others. It's almost as if he sees an opening and even though you've closed that door, possibly you haven't locked it airtight enough and he sees a glimmer of light poking through the keyhole so he just bombards you with darts around that light trying to open the hole even wider. I have learned that you have to work to strengthen yourself even harder than you were had you just stayed standing in the manner that you were. I have learned that God loves me no matter what and that He has already used my decision to show me even more how much I need Him in my life.
I think I must be going through another piece of the anger stage of grieving the loss of my marriage. I tell myself, "really, you aren't over that yet?" No, I'm not. Darn him though, why should I have to be facing all this everything alone, he was supposed to have been part of my sheild. One of my favorite thoughts is "If you stay committed long enough, there is a glorious side that you will experience beyond anything you can comprehend." I learned that in the context of marriage, but I am so not able to use that in that context, so I am working really hard on turning that around to be applicable to my walk with God. My choosing to plan on going against God's will for my life and all the ramifications surrounding that choice have caused me to see the truth in that statement. I know that I just need to - as Jeremy Camp says, stay, right here in the light so that I won't walk away. I am choosing now to stay because I do see the light.
In my "pre-choice" days, I had complete trust in God. I am so happy to say that that hasn't wavered, however, there is a guilt that I have self-imposed that tells me why should God want to be there for me as I trust that He is (He will be with us always) if I am so easy to want to break free of all the abuse my Whatever did to me by going the way of the world, even if only for one night? Well, don't worry, I am staying there. I am putting all guilt aside because of the fact that I am making a choice, again, to not stay in choosing to go against God's will for me. I am choosing to get back up, and love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and strength and try to make a difference in the world by letting the light of Him shine through me. Besides, if I just do the do's, I won't have to worry about not doing the don'ts because the dont's will just fade away in all the blessings that come from the do's.
Oh, and one more thing. I know that I tell on myself in this blog. I do that for a reason. One of them is because I am honest and I am real. God wants me no other way and God knows I have tried to be different, but He made me like this. I don't learn from people who act one way and are another. In fact, for me it's quite the opposite. If someone is portraying themself as one way and I see that they really are way different, I get mad and turn away. Call it a bad character trait, but I don't like dishonesty and I can deal with it once, twice, but usually by the third strike, "They're OUT!!" Well, I began this blog to help others as well as to help myself. If just one person sees just one other person messing up, getting up and continueing forward, maybe, just maybe they will get up themselves. That's really all I want. That and to keep on knowing that sin really does separate us from God and we don't want that to happen.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer for me, I know, we've been here before. I ask for prayer that those fiery darts bounce right off that door, and don't cause that keyhole to widen. I ask you to pray that the super glue, the rubber cement, the Elmer's that I have here in my house and am applying to that keyhole do the trick. That I am behind that door and see those agents drying and, yes, I hear the darts hitting the door, but I'm behind that door trusting that closed keyhole and standing in the light preparing to open that door and walk outside because I'm ready and I can.
Hallelujah and Happy Happy New Year! I say do the do's and the dont's will take care of themselves.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
It's Hard to Stay Mad at God
You might recall how the umbrella my Whatever got me had gotten stolen from the bus and I only had, I believe, two items left from him to my name. I specifically asked God to protect one of those items, the bracelet that I gave my Whatever on our tenth wedding anniversary. The other item is a watch Whatever gave me on the same anniversary, but funny, the watch means nothing to me, the bracelet, however, was cherished by me because I knew my sentiments when I gave it. The bracelet fell off on New Year's Eve. I see it on my wrist in pictures from my night of revelry, but I woke up and noticed right away that it was gone.
Anyways, I was kind of mad at God. I really haven't asked for much from God for myself specifically besides helping me to not be afraid of anything - you know to trust Him, and to restore my marriage or release me from that covenant that I took so seriously. Those things and to please not let anything happen to that bracelet. Well, darnit - what goes and happens just within two weeks of me asking? The bracelet gets gone. Dang God I said. I was kind of hurt and a little angry about this. Not only does my wrist feel naked - I feel a little off with the near extinction of all in my world that had to do with Whatever.
Well, being the christian that I am, I accepted the fact that God is helping me to let those ties go. I know that we can't take it with us and that it really shouldn't be important to me now, I still can't help but say darn just a little. You know though, with all the good things that God has done for me and all that He is continueing to do, I just can't help but get over my mad and praise Him for His divine knowledge of what He is going to help me let go of. I still trust Him and am going to let go of what He wants me to, even if He has to remove it from my life because he knows I never would. So, I think that I need to go find a new bracelet that means something for my future, not that hangs me onto my past.
Today, join me in praising God that He does know what's best for us. That we know He is with us and that all we have to do is reach out to Him. After all, He is, He was and He always will be, whether or not we feel naked without the things that we were clinging to. He is all we need. We just can't stay mad at God.
Hallelujah!
Anyways, I was kind of mad at God. I really haven't asked for much from God for myself specifically besides helping me to not be afraid of anything - you know to trust Him, and to restore my marriage or release me from that covenant that I took so seriously. Those things and to please not let anything happen to that bracelet. Well, darnit - what goes and happens just within two weeks of me asking? The bracelet gets gone. Dang God I said. I was kind of hurt and a little angry about this. Not only does my wrist feel naked - I feel a little off with the near extinction of all in my world that had to do with Whatever.
Well, being the christian that I am, I accepted the fact that God is helping me to let those ties go. I know that we can't take it with us and that it really shouldn't be important to me now, I still can't help but say darn just a little. You know though, with all the good things that God has done for me and all that He is continueing to do, I just can't help but get over my mad and praise Him for His divine knowledge of what He is going to help me let go of. I still trust Him and am going to let go of what He wants me to, even if He has to remove it from my life because he knows I never would. So, I think that I need to go find a new bracelet that means something for my future, not that hangs me onto my past.
Today, join me in praising God that He does know what's best for us. That we know He is with us and that all we have to do is reach out to Him. After all, He is, He was and He always will be, whether or not we feel naked without the things that we were clinging to. He is all we need. We just can't stay mad at God.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Sin Really Does Separate us from God and New Year's Resolutions
For New Year's Eve this year, I felt this surge of freedom from the oppression of the many New Year's past and wanted to Party! I had options of a christian dance, an evening at a home with a friend, but I wanted to go out and planned fully on drinking to excess and welcoming the New Year with Mr. or Mrs. Hangover being my good morning friend. I arranged for a designated driver and friends to go out with and was all set. I just feel so free and although I feel free in God's goodness, for some reason, I just wanted to be wordly and break out because for whatever whacky reason, I just felt like it would make up for all the times in years past that I did not get to do anything I wanted to do. It was nice to get out and I truly did have a wonderful time and really don't wish to have made any other choice of what I did.
However, and this is a biggie, I don't like how my choice to actively go against what I know God wants for me did to my relationship with Him. This choice of mine to knowingly sin separated me from God. It made me feel like a hypocrite, and just plain bad and truly hindered my relationship with Him. I am certain that God loved me just as much as He always does and that nothing about Him changed towards me, but I know just as well that I changed and was not able to be my "normal" self with Him, so therefore, I am going to try to not do that again. Has that ever happened to you? Well, then you know what I am talking about.
Well, Happy New Year! Although I haven't really done resolutions in a while, I decided that since this new Dianne Rene'e has been so good at perservering through so much, I might as well make a few resolutions this year. I am vowing to try to remember when I want to yell at my daughter to stop, breathe and whisper instead. I am vowing to eat more fruits and vegetables. In fact, my church is beginning a 21 day fast this next Monday and I think that God is calling me to really begin to make my self discipline even stronger in my Insanity exercise program as well as in my quest to run that half marathon in March. I am looking forward to see what it is I can do. I remember last year's Daniel Fast. I gave up Dairy and meats however unfortunately, I only made it 14 days, but I am certain that that was just preparation for what the new Dianne Rene'e is going to do this year. I just can't wait to feel the strength and empowerment that will be there waiting for me at the end of the 21 days of whatever it is that God leads me to do.
Our church is facing some financial issues that are pressing. Today there was a meeting held by the church that informed those who attended what we are really facing in our budget and financial future. Yes, the issues are pressing, but what a pleasure to be facing these issues with my church members. Sitting there listening to the speakers speak, I looked around and felt so united with the people there in that room and I love those people. It was wonderful to see one of our sweet, calmer and more reserved members speak out how what an opportunity it is for us to trust God. I can't think of a more wonderful group of people to trust God with. I love my church and I love the people in it. I look forward to this fast to see what changes God is going to do in our church because I am certain that the other members as well will be fasting not only for personal reasons with God, but as an opportunity to beseech our God on behalf of our church. I love looking forward to the promises God has in store.
Today join me in prayer that we each realize how our own sin separates us from God and we each realize that we don't want that separation and that we can make better choices. That if we do find ourself separated because of our choices, we don't give up and quit, but instead choose to confess our sin and ask God to help make us stronger in our next choices. That we possibly feel strong enough to maybe make even just one New Year's resolution to be a better person all for the glory of God.
Hallelujah!
However, and this is a biggie, I don't like how my choice to actively go against what I know God wants for me did to my relationship with Him. This choice of mine to knowingly sin separated me from God. It made me feel like a hypocrite, and just plain bad and truly hindered my relationship with Him. I am certain that God loved me just as much as He always does and that nothing about Him changed towards me, but I know just as well that I changed and was not able to be my "normal" self with Him, so therefore, I am going to try to not do that again. Has that ever happened to you? Well, then you know what I am talking about.
Well, Happy New Year! Although I haven't really done resolutions in a while, I decided that since this new Dianne Rene'e has been so good at perservering through so much, I might as well make a few resolutions this year. I am vowing to try to remember when I want to yell at my daughter to stop, breathe and whisper instead. I am vowing to eat more fruits and vegetables. In fact, my church is beginning a 21 day fast this next Monday and I think that God is calling me to really begin to make my self discipline even stronger in my Insanity exercise program as well as in my quest to run that half marathon in March. I am looking forward to see what it is I can do. I remember last year's Daniel Fast. I gave up Dairy and meats however unfortunately, I only made it 14 days, but I am certain that that was just preparation for what the new Dianne Rene'e is going to do this year. I just can't wait to feel the strength and empowerment that will be there waiting for me at the end of the 21 days of whatever it is that God leads me to do.
Our church is facing some financial issues that are pressing. Today there was a meeting held by the church that informed those who attended what we are really facing in our budget and financial future. Yes, the issues are pressing, but what a pleasure to be facing these issues with my church members. Sitting there listening to the speakers speak, I looked around and felt so united with the people there in that room and I love those people. It was wonderful to see one of our sweet, calmer and more reserved members speak out how what an opportunity it is for us to trust God. I can't think of a more wonderful group of people to trust God with. I love my church and I love the people in it. I look forward to this fast to see what changes God is going to do in our church because I am certain that the other members as well will be fasting not only for personal reasons with God, but as an opportunity to beseech our God on behalf of our church. I love looking forward to the promises God has in store.
Today join me in prayer that we each realize how our own sin separates us from God and we each realize that we don't want that separation and that we can make better choices. That if we do find ourself separated because of our choices, we don't give up and quit, but instead choose to confess our sin and ask God to help make us stronger in our next choices. That we possibly feel strong enough to maybe make even just one New Year's resolution to be a better person all for the glory of God.
Hallelujah!
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