Don't you just ever wish that God would shout out at you and tell you what to do? The apartment I was supposed to be getting is falling through - or at least I think it is and when I start looking around for other apartments, I start to stress. A kind of swimming in my head panic you know?
It's not like I will be on the streets on the first of the month, but I get afraid to stay where I am any longer because that gives my crazy head more time to think that just possibly, God is going to zap a miracle down and "fix" my husband turning him into the man that God desired him to be and everything will be ok.
Like it or not, it's scary even with God as your leader to make all the decisions when raising a child and having to do it on your own. Top it off with the fact that you screwed up for a good two years of that kid's life and you really want to do everything "right" from here on out. This looking for an apartment is more than just looking for a place to live, it's looking for a home, especially when you have a child.
This looking for an apartment is also another slap in the face of how sad divorce really is. I'm with God - I hate divorce. It's unnecessary and it's a shame, and it hurts - even when you are apartment hunting.
I think that today I will ask for you to join me in prayer that all those that we know that are married will take the time to guarantee to each other that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. That they are in it for better or for worse and they are in it for life. I ask you to pray for me, that I find a home for my daughter and I, one that will be just that, a home. A place of joy, a place of healing and a place of laughter, yes, even with a teenager living in it. I love that girl.
Hallelujah - I think I will go pray because right now, I'm a mess.
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