You know, my Pastor spoke on something, I believe in October and looking back at it makes me mad. Not at him, but at the truthfulness of what he said. He was speaking about human nature and how we humans are great starters of things, but we don't always finish what we began. Dang - I was hoping to prove a point and not let that apply to me however, it didn't work as I guess I am only human after all as much as I wish it weren't true.
You see, I have not stayed on course in a few areas. I love the Casting Crowns song how they speak of the slow fade, how black and white fade to grey. I have seen myself, through my lack of perseverance, falling into grey zones. Don't worry, I'm not talking big stuff, I am talking just not keeping my thumb on myself to stay as constant and strong as I am supposed to. However, that buck stops here.
Today's sermon, although titled "Finances of the King" was about so much more than how we steward our monies, it was about how we steward our lives. A highlight of the service comes down to the fact that we are here to show and tell others who God is and what it means to have a realtionship with him. Gosh, that has been the core of my existence now for the last year and a half, but for some reason, I have almost been feeling as if I weren't shining as brightly as normal and I don't really know why except for the fact that I have let myself get lax. I quit climbing the stairs at work and I think that was the beginning of my grey zone.
I think that the fact that money has been so tight, I might have just kind of let myself feel badly that I can't give financially like I used to. I think that the way I have felt about this fact has let me fall into grey zones spiritually. However, pastor said today how God doesn't demand that we give, he simply gives us opportunities to give. After all, when we give, it brings us closer to God's nature for He gave the ultimate gift for us, His son. I thought about this and I realized that I need to check my patience. God knows that I can't give the finances that I would give if I had them, but I am the one who believes He will restore all that Satan has taken from me. However, for now, God gives me plenty of opportunities to give by shining the light of Him and I don't waste any of them.
I shine as best as I can on the job by using the gift of a great professional career to be the multi-faceted and capable person that is needed by many to complete various tasks with a good spirit. I shine as a mother always placing great emphasis on leading by example, getting my girl to church and instructing her on the ways of the Lord. I shine as a family member - at church and at home, always showing the love of Jesus and not even faking it, I really have that one down.
I need to remember that the me who has believed that I am on the right path is still there, I have just not stayed as upright as I should and I don't want to go into grey, I want black and white to be my world, a tunnel vision of sorts. Anyways, I vow to never stop believing that God's not finished with me yet and I vow to not give in and quit fighting the good fight. After all, I am a chosen one and have been commissioned to do great things.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we stay strong, that we don't let our black and white fade to grey. That we keep the shine in our life and the we remember who we are in Christ. That we fight to keep our wills in check and stop ourselves from fading away.
Hallelujah!
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