Thank you Lord. I am ok. I sit here with a pretty bad left kidney infection and alone on Christmas eve, but I am so ok. You could even say I'm peacefully happy. I find myself to be such a nut that I laugh at myself and even that makes me feel happy. Really, sometimes, my daughter - who would love to not ever find pleasure in being with me can't help but smile when she sees me laughing so hard at myself. I am truly hilarious at times, even if I only have an audience of me.
It's great when we discover a special gift or talent that we possess, but it can be quite funny when we discover that we don't possess a gift or talent in a certain area. I can sing in public, I can manage public speaking without a hitch, but OH MY GOSH - I am not an actress. Unfortunately, I am learning this in front of a group of people, which just ultimately leaves me in fits of laughter at myself because oh my goodness, I am truly so very so not an actress. Oh well, all for the glory of God and at least I am trying and even if it isn't coming out nearly as well as I wish it were, I am trying my hardest.
One of my favorite moments so far this Christmas is the fact that due to being part of a skit at church, I had to arrive 1 1/2 hours early to the church - meaning my daughter had to be there early as well. I was doing my thing and then I saw my daughter sitting out in the chairs, comfortably half lying on the chairs watching us rehearse, watching the worship group rehearse and looking at home. My daughter, try as hard as she is right now to be a typical at times difficult 15 year old girl, is at home at our church. She loves and knows the people at our church. She is comfortable to half lie on the chairs at church and sit in peace as she was this evening. How blessed we are to have this second home. As sick as I was all night and day - when I got to church, no, I didn't miraculously feel well, I felt comfortable to be me and I felt safe.
The pastor posed this question to the congregation: What was the greatest gift we have received since last Christmas eve? After thinking of this, I think the greatest gift God has given me is my church family. They love us and we love them. The second wonderful gift God has given me is my freedom from smoking. Last night I asked my daughter if she could picture me smoking anymore. She said she can't. I can't picture it either. Wow - that is a miracle in itself.
The gift I am asking God to give me in the next year, if it is within His will, is to keep easing the hurt that seems to make itself known regarding my Whatever. Tonight, my daughter is with him, which when I first found out about hurt like heck. However, I think God is working because I haven't even cringed tonight and I like it. That and I saw a picture of him with my daughter and am starting to see someone I don't know - nor am I attracted to who I am seeing in the photo. Cool. I believe God is working and is going to help me let go. I am going to seek Him for more of this. I am ok.
Today, I ask you to join me in prayer thanking God for his gifts to us and that we especially thank Him for the gift of His son. Could you imagine our lives without this gift? I sure can't.
Merry Christmas. Hallelujah!
I'm so sorry to hear about the kidney infection, that is painful. my ex left with my kids tonight for an evening out and dinner, even after more than a year it is strange but it no longer stabs me in the gut everytime. Time is your friend. Keep turning to Jesus for strength. Merry Christmas.
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