God's Peace

A fellow blogger posted a blog about some things that I have been pondering myself lately. Her husband left her as well all while she believed, as did I, that God was going to do a miracle. After all, God does hate divorce. God does want families to stay together. God did not want me to lose everything I really ever owned, or for my STBX husband to take everything he could from me or for him to abandon his daughter almost as completely as a father could without batting an eye. Or that I should suffer for so many years with the hurt of the physical, mental and emotional abuse he inflicted on me.

If these things were not what God wanted for me, why did they have to happen and being that they did, why am I so ok now? I am ok because God allowed me to go through these things, never giving me more than I could handle and because He is showing me more each day, in the strength that I am seeing grow in me due to my faith, that He is using and will use me to be a blessing to others. To tell someone "hey, I've been where you are" is something that can really make a difference in someone else's life. I am ok because I have the peace of God in me.

I know that I am an extreme having been through so many of the extremes of life. But maybe, that means that I am going to be an even more viable and useful instrument of God's peace in the lives of others. I used to question God why me, but I don't anymore. I accept the facts of my life and trust God that He has great plans to prosper and not harm me. I find it so weird that where I used to long for him to restore my marriage, I am now so grateful that all that needed to be strengthened and restored was my trust in Him.

I had a moment of dang again today that could have made the old Dianne feel kind of crunchy, but this new Dianne just felt sorry for someone else at the fact that they are still in the same place and will probably remain there for quite some time. While I am so far from the old me, that I hardly recognize myself. I called my STBX today because he had said that he will give more in support for our daughter than the next to nothing he has given once before in the 3 months he has been gone. As he answered the phone I posed my question and he said to me "I have to go, I'm in the middle of a party - I will call you tomorrow."

I just hung up the phone and the battle between old and new began. The old me saying dang, there he goes just dismissing me again. The new me was again kind of amazed at how he really doesn't care about his daughter anymore. She called him last Saturday and he promised to call her this week. No ring came from Mexico for her this week. The new me felt happy because - yes, he might be having so much fun at whatever party, that praise God, the new me did not wish to be by his side like the old me so desired to be, but I was just preparing to go see our daughter, my precious 15 year old daughter play a soccer game. A game that, yes, he taught her to play wonderfully, but that I will get to enjoy for at least 2-5 more years to come of watching her shine because she is good at it and she shines when she plays. The new me felt God's peace. The new won. I did not let myself feel badly because of him.

Praise God, that is exactly what I have. No need to question the why's of a life gone awry anymore because I know that God is guiding me to right where I have known, no matter what I was doing was someday coming, a place where I will shine for His glory and make a difference in the world around me. I love my life. I love God's peace in me.

Today join me in prayer for the time when each of us notices that we are different. That when the things we have asked God for for so long come to pass in our life that we take notice and praise the Lord. That we each come to a point where we no longer question why, but we just accept what is and find God's peace - it will come.

Hallelujah!