Slip Sliding Away..

You know the nearer your destination, the more your'e slip sliding away.

I loved Simon and Garfunkle. Paul Simon could certainly write songs about the soul of humanity. How true it is the words of the above mentioned song. For quite some time I have wanted to succeed to prove to my STBX that I could. I will even be honest and say that I have told my daughter we have to do well, she has to do well, to show him how ok we are without him. I need to remember to tell her that we don't. That if the natural succession of things works out as it should, that we are going to do well without even trying to prove a thing to anybody else.

I feel it happening. This new life that God has unfolded for me, although at this time still shaky financially is becoming richer than anything I could have ever thought possible. I have gained some wonderful new friends in my life and am learning and understanding my daughter even more than I thought I wanted to or could. She is a beautiful disaster at times you know. Made of both my STBX and I, but more formed and shaped by him by the sheer fact that he had more time with her while she was growing. So yes, there can be a battle there, but I have taken a step back and decided to just keep leading her by example. She'll start to be a little more formed and shaped by me by the sheer fact that I didn't go away and you know what, the example she is being led by is really turning out to be a good one.

There was a moment when I was gaining all these new friends that against a few of them, I felt black next to their white. But again, that would be what my STBX would want to point out. That I was not good enough due to things in my past. You know what though. That doesn't matter anymore. How true is it that when we get closer to our destination - our goal, that the further we slip slide away. I don't really know that old Dianne anymore. These new friends that have creamy white pasts in comparison don't know her either. They know somebody totally different. Somebody good and somebody real. I'm getting to know her as well.

I am feeling so much better about something huge in my life. The very last physical thing I was holding on to that, for me, was sin - separating me from God, was smoking cigarettes. Having failed quitting attempts many times, I have put a lot of planning, prayer and emphasis on the importance to me of being a non-smoker for a while now. I am, only a slight bit trepidly, proudly stating that I am a non-smoker. I know that I am different now. Something about me has way more power over the things I don't want in my life to be there. I am certain that one of those strengths that has helped me is my Pastor's sermon on perseverance and making the conscious decision to start with throwing out the elevator at work and only walking the stairs. After all, we have to start somewhere.

The other day, I was tired of those darn stairs having been up and down those 4 flights in fairly rapid succession, I made a decision to go and push that elevator button. Believe me, the door to that elevator hadn't even opened when I woke up and said "What the heck are you doing?!" Believe me, I turned around and started climing those stairs rebuking Satan from stopping me in my perseverance and giving God all the glory for creating me to be the kind of person that wants to persevere. A person who knows that if I can just keep climing the stairs that I can do anything else that really matters because I don't quit when it gets hard! That I was going to turn this perseverance and use it in my stop smoking endeavor all for His glory because I want to serve Him with all I am. (I hope nobody heard me because I might have been praying out loud climbing up those stairs having gotten so upset at myself for almost taking that elevator)

No, step by step, as we get closer to what we want, the more and more the old that we didn't is slip sliding away. That it becomes something we don't want anymore or you know, at times almost even remember. My goal in mine and my daughter's successes are now so that I can be the woman God created me to be, and that I can lead her by example to know a life full of the fruits of the spirits and to know that living a life to serve the Lord is just the answer to help get her there.

Today I pray that we all can sing a chorus of Slip Sliding Away and praise God for the wonder of becoming new creations in Christ. After all, we are. I pray that we all pick and stick to some type of stair walking, acknowledging that it is a self-discipline that we are after. To persevere at something and not quit, trusting that God will take and turn this effort on our part into a strength at helping us to be better for His glory in some other area in our life.

Hallelujah!