Gratefulness

Well, the more I grow in my walk with the Lord, the more I can hardly contain my emotions as I marvel at all the things I have to be grateful for. I mean really, this is serious stuff. You know, it hit me this past few days. I am truly more like a child now than I have ever had the opportunity to be. I started very young on a wrong path. Although I had a wonderful mother, it was my father who played much more of an influence on me. It was my father, who as well, made life a living hell, and I just realized yesterday that I married a living hell too. I hate it when you realize that those who have said those stupid things like girls will often marry their fathers turn out to be right don't you? Well, I did just that, but here comes the good part...

I learned about insanity. With every fiber in me, I am doing DIFFERENT things not the same things and I fully expect DIFFERENT results in this life I am living now. I surround myself with good things, good people, good music, good everything I can get my hands on. I force myself to be in elements that I have never been in before. I don't let who I was get me down because I am not that person. Although I would never hide what I was from somebody who asked, I do kind of have a bit of a tinge of, hmm, darkness next to light when I think of a new friend of mine. The way I get rid of it though is I remind myself that I am a new creation in Christ.

I don't know at times if I feel emotional about the wonders of this whole new world I am unearthing or if I am feeling emotional because I feel sorry for that girl who, for whatever reason, went the way of the bad in her life rather than the good. I almost think that it is possible that happened because maybe the good was trying so hard to keep their own head above water (something I can truly relate to) that they were not altogether able to do much more than that. All I know is that I'm glad to now be in a place where I don't have to fight to keep from drowning myself, so maybe my girl will never have to go through what I did and will not marry her father.

In the meantime, I am so happy in this life right now that I just want to cry and there is really no other reason than the fact that I don't cry every day anymore. That I am not in a world of "ugly" people. That I am not told that I am an "ugly" person. That I am not yelled at or called names. That my girl is edified and uplifted daily rather than being cussed at all the time in the most foulest of ways. That I am surrounded by good people. That drugs and alcohol are not a part of mine or those that I am surrounded with lives.

I am full of gratefulness and I think that this counts for the reason I feel like crying. How amazing it is that God could turn my life around in such a wonderful way. One of the biggest and most recent is that I am cigarette free. For two weeks, but forever. I am free. Yes, I am full of gratefulness.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that one day we look around and see a bunch of people full of emotion, even crying, all because they are so grateful at what God is and has molded them to be.

Hallelujah!