I just don't get it. I am happy. I know that I am better off now than I have been in a long time. I am grateful for where God has brought me to and for who God has been molding me to be and who I am becoming. However, there are those times, when out of nowhere, my soul still aches for what was supposed to be. It makes me feel bad. Almost like God will think that I am ungrateful for what I have.
No lie though, no matter how good my life is becoming, there are just those times when I wish my reality still was with him. Sharing life with our family, before everything went wrong. Gosh, I think I'd be just a little bit happier if my STBX at least loved our daughter enough to tell her that or give her a call. How you forget you have a kid is beyond me. I hope that when it does finally get in contact with her, she will be strong enough to not be too let down when he disappears or withholds his love from her because she didn't do what he wanted to.
OH MY GOSH!!! I JUST WOKE UP FROM THE NIGHTMARE I WAS JUST WRITING ABOUT!!!! A song is going through my head it goes something like "What was I thinking".
Needless to say, there are just those moments when I miss what should have been. But then I wake up. Ok, I'm awake - just had to go through that moment, thought I'd take you with me. Sometimes reality sucks, especially the parts about forgotten kids. Wow. I'm so glad to be me.
Today join me in prayer that we all stay awake in what's real, that reality does not escape us and in the moments that it does, we wake up quickly cuz we were living in a dream.
Hallelujah!
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