Something has been weighing on my heart the past few days. I have been struggling with the fact that I miss what should have been with my husband and some of the things that were. Then I wake up and realize that the things that were weigh far less than the things that should have been. And being as I don't want my past pain to be my point of reference, I try to brush this stuff and tell the Lord that "Hey, this hurts, but I know you've got me covered." So, anyways, yes, I crunch at times even now when I know I have come so far.
It's funny how in the crunch times, little things seem to come at you more. Today I was cold and I reached in blindly to my sock space (tons of socks in there) and pulled out, none other than a pair of his socks. The socks that I loved, the socks that I always used when I was cold and the socks he put on my feet after our daughter was born to help warm me up. (Different pair of socks, just the same brand that I loved). Little things have been coming at me that just keep reminding me of him. When that happens I wonder why and I kind of have deducted that at those times God wants me to pray for him, so I do - shooting in a little prayer for myself as well to get me through those moments.
Anyways, I was in the presence of a young couple this past week and I couldn't help but notice that the wife was not edifying her husband with either her words or her gestures. I know this woman and know some of her own struggles and couldn't help but feel that her responses and actions towards him were from her own insecurites. I could not sleep the other night as I just felt that God was telling me to talk to her. I don't know if it comes from the fact that I so believe in marriages lasting, but I just thought that maybe I could share a few insights with her. After all Titus 2:4 clearly states these older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children. Due to the fact that I could not sleep over this coursing through my heart and mind, I feel that God is telling me to spend a moment with her. Or, am I just so messed up over losing my marriage that I just don't want her to ever go through a divorce. Either way, it sounds to me like I can say a few things in love, love for her and love for her family.
Talk about putting the bible in action. What a scary thing to do.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we are able to leave out band-aids alone. That we don't keep lifting them up to show everybody our owies which slows the healing process. That for those times when we need to change the band-aids, that we do so and do it quickly, so that the healing process can be hastened. Join me in prayer that for the times when our owies start seeping out that we, if necessary, seek help in our healing so that underlying infections don't develop and that we have equipped ourselves with the knowledge of where to go in those times. Join me in prayer that if God speaks to our hearts, we put our own fears aside and trust Him that the outcomes will be ok.
Hallelujah!
well put.
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