Dang - Anger Stage again?

Thought I had this one kicked, but just like my constipated dog is afraid of his rear end and keeps running from it like it's going to bite him or something, maybe I should be running too, but no, here I am still standing, but I think the anger stage is at my heels today. Kind of felt it knocking for the past few days, but I think I finally opened the door and let him in today.

There are times when I get angry at my daughter because I see a behavior in her that makes me fear that she is going to be just like him and place herself as more important than others. I guess it is true that fear can turn into anger because I got so angry with her today when one of those cases started coming into view. I emphasized with her that I am not a puppet and that her actions were beginning to show that she felt others were there for only when she wanted, and unimportant when something better came along. I got very upset out of my fear.

There are days when I wake up and I can't help but wonder how he could just ditch her and not even care enough to call her. Those times I find it so hard to not wish for bad things to come his way for the hurt he causes. At those times I try so very hard to utter the words, God bless him, God bring him to you. I hope that God sees my heart and knows that I am at least trying

There are days when I wake up and can't help but be so angry that he is refusing to support her financially. I feel so angry and again finding myself wondering how he can do this to his baby girl, the one he wanted to create and the one he named even before she was conceived. I get mad because I remember how angry he would get and how he would trash the "deadbeat dads" in the lives of people we knew. There are days I wake up and I feel like if I could hate, it would be him that my hate would be directed at him. I guess that today I am just angry. I guess I can give myself a break because I am not perfect, try as hard as I might, I'm so very far from there.

I guess the anger is tied in with hurt because it does hurt that your child's father not only discarded and forgot about you, but forgot about something he supposedly loved so very much, flesh of his own flesh. I guess the anger stage comes again because I really don't understand. I guess I'm not meant to. The thing that sucks about the anger stage biting me again is that I have allowed it to be stronger in me than the Christ in me for a few moments today, which makes me want to cry. I hate to behave badly, but I have, just not nearly as badly as I feel like at times though.

My Life Advisor always tells me that it is ok for me to cry, I might just take him up on that advice.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that even when stages of life come at us, just like this anger stage, that we can, at some point during this stage, give it to God and praise Him, knowing that this is just a stage and that He has plans to prosper and not harm us, plans for hope and a future. And He does, this I know.

Hallelujah!