A Blessed Day Indeed

This has been an amazingly wonderful, insightful day. God has made me laugh and again awed me with His knowledge of the things that are best for me as well as helped me see me just a bit more clearly.

I just had the best talk with my daughter. As I wrote of previously, my STBX called me the other night and for a moment tried to act like a friend of mine. That moment as I said, ended quickly, but I knew at the moment I recognized his voice calling my phone instead of hers that something was up. Sure enough, my daughter called him today and I'll be darned if he doesn't want us to go live in Mexico with him. He asked her if I wanted to talk to him, something of course I said no to.

I messed with my daughter and told her that while she was with her friend this evening, I used our emergency fund and bought two one way tickets, and a set of luggage for each of us. She did not think that was funny and it was then I realized she was afraid. It was before then that I realized how far I have come. I was kind of in shock when I heard the news from her that he wanted us to move there. She told me as well that he was asking questions about me "does she have a boyfriend" "does she talk to guys on the computer", etc.

I sat down with my daughter, calling her to me and told her that I wanted to talk seriously with her. I asked her to honestly tell me if she thought I would do something like that, move us to Mexico. She said yes. I looked her straight in the eye and told her how God was so at work in healing me. I acknowledged that as much as I had loved her father, and possibly still do, that there was absolutely no way I would or could ever let him come back into my life - our life. I likened her father to a drug for me telling her that just like when you realize that you don't want to do drugs, you do all you can to keep yourself safe from them and stay completely away from any part of the world that you might have contact with them. I need to stay away from her father. For me, just like drugs, he is not safe. Instead he would just like to suck me back in to a life where I was less than anything else, kind of like dog poop on your shoes. Just stuck there and stinking to the wearer of the shoes.

I acknowledged to her that I knew how horrible this past year has been, because her fear of some things makes me think that she thinks I didn't know how bad it was. I made her comfortable in the fact that no matter how funky things can get at times I am happy right where we are. I let her see how great our God is because I acknowledged Him with her of all the wonders He has done in our life since we moved out. I also expressed my shock to her that her father would for one minute even think that us moving there would be an option. I think what has finally happened to him is that he went to Mexico to "find himself" and found out that he was way more miserable now that he only has himself than he ever was here. That the only good in his life was the good he walked out on and stepped on for the last year.

He wants my daughter to go there in November, but unfortunately, I am not able to let that happen right now. I believe that he is going to realize- if he isn't already coming to this realization, that I am not going to let him back in. I believe that he is going to get angry at some point and I honestly don't know if his anger would cause him to keep her there. When I was being abused there, the women - only out of being used to the situation, not out of meanness, uses to tell me to be better or to stop doing whatever I was doing wrong. I could see how they might just "help" him to keep her if they believed lies he might make up. I can't take the chance and my daughter got it.

She got me throughout the whole conversation. I could tell by her eyes and the relaxation I felt in her spirit. She has a right to feel afraid when it comes to him being in my life. I do too, but I am not afraid because God is guiding me all the way and I let her know that with me following God's lead, we were going to be just fine. And we are.

God has healed me to be strong enough to stick up for me as well as for her. I praise Him. God has showed me how to be a better me. I praise Him. God has such a sense of humor! I praise Him. God is amazing and I am grateful for all He is doing and all He has planned to do.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we who never thought we'd be able to get to the light at the end of a tunnel, when we get there, God makes us laugh. Maybe that is just the joy of the Lord. I pray that God can make us all laugh, joy feels great.

What a blessed day. Hallelujah!