The other day I blogged on how I am a firmly rooted tree. Thank God I am because I think that today I would fallen over. Hello Mr. Meltdown! Well, thanks to some wonderful women at church, they got me to remember those strong roots and let me know that it was ok to feel what I am feeling.
I guess that's the case at times, we need to know that it's ok to not be always on top. I messed up on a worship song, that didn't make me feel any better, but it also might have been the catalyst that helped me to go through this - I guess stage of grief. I will not lie, I miss my husband. Again, though, my Life Advisor taught me the pros and cons and I know that what I am missing is my vision of what should have and could have been had I been dealing with anything in the norm. Those things far outweight what really was. None the less, this crap hurts and I guess I need to feel it to get over it. So, I felt it in the safest place to be. Church.
I think what put me over the edge was when Pastor said as long as we honor God, nothing is impossible. Darn it, that is what I have been doing and for so long I was trusting that he would restore my marriage. I guess I just need to change what I think is impossible and since I am honoring God with all I am, he will work on it. Right now, I think it is impossible that I will ever stop loving my husband or wishing that he would have just let love flow rather than let love go. Anyways... I am told by a new friend that it takes about a year and a half. Dang, seems so far off.
The service today was about servanthood. How servanthood brings happiness, generates harmony in relationships and changes the world. I think I'll start servanthood in this moment by making my daughter a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. What are you going to do?
Today join me in prayer for the impossible to be realized in our lives. That we give our lives to servanthood and that we honor God for what and who He is.
Hallelujah!
Nothing is impossible with God seems to denote that we should get everything we want. It's the "with God" part that is key. And we are to bend to His will not him to ours. We walk "with" the Lord he doesn't walk with us wherever we go. If we go away from Him he waits for us to come back. I think we can have an enormous amount of faith and be the godliest example to our husbands and because they have free will and sin exists in the world...they can still choose to walk away from what God has clearly commanded them to do. It has no reflection on us. That Scripture is the angel speaking to Mary about having a child as a virgin. It was in response to Mary asking how it could be? God can performs miracles when he chooses to. And I will pray and hope for that for you. A miracle of restoration for your marriage.
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