Through this past month I have dealt with extreme sickness and, what I believe to be, a tragic loss of my marriage. Guess what though. I am still standing. No matter what Satan throws at me, I am still fighting back.
I have learned to not let this world get to me, and as I contemplate what fruit or vegetable I am going to pick up in the next few minutes to snack on, to keep my immunity system on the high side. I am learning to trust that God loves me, even if I mess up. One of the reasons I really don't mess up too much, or even want to is I get so afraid that I am going to hex myself. Like God is a God of witchcraft or something. I get afraid that the blessings that He has been blessing me with are going to all be yanked away or something. Then I remember that He doesn't love me because of my performance. He loves me because He just does and if I mess up, He knows me well enough to know that it will probably be just that A mess up in the singular in that instance because I have this conviction inside of me that really wants to be a living testimony. I really do want to try to show the world what one can do if they give their life away to serve Him and follow His will.
I will admit that today I had a deep hurt happen. My step son that I raised since he was 10 and loved just as much, at times more than my own sons followed his father's path and purposefully did something that he knew would hurt me. My heart hurt and I was angry all in one. I wanted to say angry things to him, but couldn't. All I could muster up was the truth. The truth being that "For you to purposefully do something against me was hurtful in light of I have never done anything but love you. May God bless you and keep you." It was funny in that I got no response back. I meant it. May God bless him.
What hurts the most out of all of this is that I do not care what anybody says, divorce is NOT necessary. If you have two people that love the Lord with all their mind, heart, soul and strength, I don't even see how it is possible. I loved my step son and told him I would never understand why our relationship could not have continued just because his father stopped loving me. It hurts when you see people not follow their own hearts. I loved my husband, but you can clearly see that there were not two people loving the Lord with all that they were, even if he claimed to be doing just that, actions speak so much louder than words.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer for my precious nephew, Collin, who is 10. He has been sick now for over 2 weeks with a few days break in between. I love my little chunky Bubba to death and I ask you to pray against anything trying to mess with his health. I ask you to join me in prayer for immune systems. That we who are struggling with health issues find a way to get ours up. I ask you to pray for strength to fight battles that we didn't even know we'd have to fight and as always - please pray for every marriage you know that Satan's hands be bound from ever messing with that couple. I have learned that divorce hurts, but it's the surprise relationships lost that hurt the most.
Hallelujah!
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