It's kind of weird that even though I am seeing clearly now how we were dealing with something out of the norm and I am so glad to be free, what was last week a tidalwave is this week a strange pain in my stomach. It is actually a pain that hurts, but doesn't rip me apart like the tidalwave. My main struggle, besides being sick with this staph infection, is sickness at myself for even caring, for even wishing that what is wasn't. For not understanding how people really could not care about those closest to them, especially a child. How crazy is it that I can still feel anything but anger in regards to someone who has inflicted so much pain on my daughter and myself. I'm crazy in that I feel sorry for him. I do hope that our God does deal with him justly at some point because it is not fair his lack of caring for anybody other than himself.
I think I am in shock. I know I am confused. The overwhelming sadness is easing, and the pain I feel is mostly for my daughter. How could I not see clearly how out of line with God's will he was. You know though, abuse is strange in that even when there are no more controls on you you at times still feel afraid of being caught living. It's going to get better. It already is, but then there is a quiet moment when you question why. I hope the whys go away soon.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer again for me, for this staph infection. The pain is about unbearable and makes it hard to do anything but say ouch. I ask you to join me in praise that I am healing in my heart and there is a lot less ouch going on there, Praise the Lord! Thank you.
Hallelujah!
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