I Am Still Confused

I guess it must be somewhat normal as a christian in my situation to still think that God is going to do some last ditch miracle to stop what I am going through from happening. Even with God basically pulling me out of where I was living with my husband, I still have this vision that it was just to get us out of the way so he could work on him. I guess that means I still have hope.

I think that comes from the fact that I just believe that faith can move mountains as well as no matter what my husband has to say about me, I know that I was a wonderful wife. I think this comes from the fact that I am in such disbelief that he sees some woman that he has created in his mind. I think this comes from the fact that I am not giving all my fear to God and this is scary. I think this comes from the fact that divorce is so unnecessary and preventable. I think the hope comes from the fact that I am grieving a devastating loss.

This is a loss for me. I feel like a loser. I feel not good enough. I feel inadequate. I wonder what was wrong with me.

Don't worry, I know the truth that I am not a loser and I am good enough and I know that God sees a mighty woman of faith and that someday he will say job well done my child. I know how much God loves me. I just keep believing this - call me crazy if you will, or give me space to get through this stage of grief, I guess it might be denial, but I keep believing that God is going to reach down and convict my husband of how he has been so wrong. That He will show my husband that love is not a feeling, it is an action. That He will show my husband that He is the way, the truth and the life. That He will fix my husband and bring him back to us to lead us like Christ wanted him to in the first place. That someday, he would apologize for how he has hurt us.

I guess I am still confused. Is that a stage of grief?

Today I ask you to join me in prayer for Pastor Sandy Reza. She is having her left kidney removed on August 31 and is struggling with high blood pressure that just won't ease up. Let's - as she has asked - bombard Heaven with prayers for blood pressure that is in an acceptable range. Please, let's ask God for this miracle because she is making such a difference in the world and she means a lot to me.

Hallelujah!