Hello Again! June 13, 2011 - that is the last date that I posted here. I needed a bit of time to just breathe as well as - can you believe this, I have no access to internet at home currently and actually, since June 25. However, that is about to change so be ready.
Really so much and so little to say all in the same time. One of the better things I'd like to share is that I'm not walking backwards anymore. Sometimes I make no progress, mainly for the sheer fact that I am paralyzed with fear and taking a moment to breathe, but I do NOT go backwards.
Well, I am at my mother's and taking a moment to wish you all Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be back on a regular basis in the next month and just can't wait to share.
Today my prayer is that we all go forward on the things we need to and don't turn around when we shouldn't - as tempting as it is to run back to something we knew rather than go forward to what God has in store. I pray that we remember at those fearful times, to just stop, listen for His voice and take a moment to breathe to avoid backwards motion.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
There are No Coincidences
I have been reading two books the last few weeks. One at home, the other on the bus to and from work. Home reading is "This Present Darkness" while bus reading is "The Invisible War". One causes the imagination to stir, while the other brings to light the reality of the things of the imagination and of this life.
This past weekend, I have felt the ravages of a hurt that I never saw coming, something involving my daughter. I prayed through it and still clung to my trust in God that this would work out for good. I won't lie though, it hurt. A Diannism will say "that hecka hurt." No doubt about it. I think I was in shock and for me to keep dealing, I had to lay low. Yes, I prayed and trusted, but I laid low and stayed in with myself talking to God when I felt like speaking, barely having any outside communication while I went through it. The horrible sunburn I had helped me to do that as well because even the sensation of heat on my red knees hurt.
I wonder now how I did in God's eyes. That was really a test of my faith. I am happy to say that I didn't smoke. I think I am making it in that aspect although there were two times when I was about ready to say "forget it all" and go to find a cigarette. However, I somewhat felt like giving up in other respects because I felt like everything I had been putting my energy into besides serving God didn't matter so why was I bothering?
Even in the midst of feeling this hopelessness, great hurt and despair, there was this nagging sense in me of the unseen wars we fight and the fact that if I kept praying through this, I would win for myself and for my daughter. You see, her father comes back this week and he wants to come back and "save us". Don't worry, I've told him he could do so by supporting her in a fair and equitable manner financially and that she and I had discussed us being a family again and both came to the conclusion that that just wasn't a good idea. However, what I'm getting at is I feel as if what happened this weekend was part of the battle coming. I feel with him coming back as if there is a darkness headed our way. One that I do think I am prepared to deal with. I just wasn't totally prepared to have an attack come upon and through my daughter this past weekend because I never expected anything like what happened.
All I know is that as I spoke to her today, I shared with her why I am such a "freak" when it comes to the way I live. You see, I guard myself and my heart with ferociousness. I know me. If I start slipping a little and "enjoying" my old time favorite of rock and roll, I see a change in my fight, in my walk, in me. The old me went with the world's way of thinking. The woman of Christ I try to be and work hard at staying does not go with the way of the world. You see, I'm trying to prove something. Living for the Lord is cool and is the right way to live. My daughter had a horrible lapse this weekend, one that was so out of character, I am certain that it was a pre-jab for the war headed our way. Hey, at least I know now what I might be expecting and I know now how to ready myself to fight and to win.
No, I doubt seriously that my reading these two books at the same time are coincidental. I believe that God brought these things my way to help me to see more clearly what's going on and as a way to prepare me. I believe that there is something different about me. I am so far from perfect and part of the reason that this weekend incident with my daughter went so far wrong was because of my imperfection, but I am different. I have a burden to serve the Lord and sometimes I feel that burden so strongly I have to ask myself why, but it's still there and I can't turn my back on it or try to deny it.
Today my prayer request is that we pray for one another. Simple as that. That we love each other enough to reach out, even when we are uncertain if doing so will be received just as a sister did to me yesterday. If she reads this, please know that what you did meant the world to me.
Hallelujah!
This past weekend, I have felt the ravages of a hurt that I never saw coming, something involving my daughter. I prayed through it and still clung to my trust in God that this would work out for good. I won't lie though, it hurt. A Diannism will say "that hecka hurt." No doubt about it. I think I was in shock and for me to keep dealing, I had to lay low. Yes, I prayed and trusted, but I laid low and stayed in with myself talking to God when I felt like speaking, barely having any outside communication while I went through it. The horrible sunburn I had helped me to do that as well because even the sensation of heat on my red knees hurt.
I wonder now how I did in God's eyes. That was really a test of my faith. I am happy to say that I didn't smoke. I think I am making it in that aspect although there were two times when I was about ready to say "forget it all" and go to find a cigarette. However, I somewhat felt like giving up in other respects because I felt like everything I had been putting my energy into besides serving God didn't matter so why was I bothering?
Even in the midst of feeling this hopelessness, great hurt and despair, there was this nagging sense in me of the unseen wars we fight and the fact that if I kept praying through this, I would win for myself and for my daughter. You see, her father comes back this week and he wants to come back and "save us". Don't worry, I've told him he could do so by supporting her in a fair and equitable manner financially and that she and I had discussed us being a family again and both came to the conclusion that that just wasn't a good idea. However, what I'm getting at is I feel as if what happened this weekend was part of the battle coming. I feel with him coming back as if there is a darkness headed our way. One that I do think I am prepared to deal with. I just wasn't totally prepared to have an attack come upon and through my daughter this past weekend because I never expected anything like what happened.
All I know is that as I spoke to her today, I shared with her why I am such a "freak" when it comes to the way I live. You see, I guard myself and my heart with ferociousness. I know me. If I start slipping a little and "enjoying" my old time favorite of rock and roll, I see a change in my fight, in my walk, in me. The old me went with the world's way of thinking. The woman of Christ I try to be and work hard at staying does not go with the way of the world. You see, I'm trying to prove something. Living for the Lord is cool and is the right way to live. My daughter had a horrible lapse this weekend, one that was so out of character, I am certain that it was a pre-jab for the war headed our way. Hey, at least I know now what I might be expecting and I know now how to ready myself to fight and to win.
No, I doubt seriously that my reading these two books at the same time are coincidental. I believe that God brought these things my way to help me to see more clearly what's going on and as a way to prepare me. I believe that there is something different about me. I am so far from perfect and part of the reason that this weekend incident with my daughter went so far wrong was because of my imperfection, but I am different. I have a burden to serve the Lord and sometimes I feel that burden so strongly I have to ask myself why, but it's still there and I can't turn my back on it or try to deny it.
Today my prayer request is that we pray for one another. Simple as that. That we love each other enough to reach out, even when we are uncertain if doing so will be received just as a sister did to me yesterday. If she reads this, please know that what you did meant the world to me.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Still Standing
I am feeling bothered right now and I hope to be able to share with you why. I have worked very hard to get where I am. I know that people have helped me along the way, but I know too that God has been my strength. I am a good person and seek to serve God with all that I am and I work hard at letting Him be in charge of my life. I guard myself on all fronts. Who I hang out with, the music I listen to, the television I watch. I take wonderful care of my daughter and am always checking to be certain that her needs are met and that she is being led correctly.
We are far from a perfect family and I know that at times, I am outside of the box. Even in those times, whether I am fitting in the box or not, I am still standing for what God wants for me. I have my own set of difficulties though and my quirks as well. I am busy, you know, the ADD type. I know that. I have to force myself to focus and could possibly be helped with the taking of a little medication, but to get to that point, it takes a lot of effort - a lot of missed time at work, which, you know, who can afford when they are facing things such as layoffs etc, where good workmanship is not supposed to take the place of seniority, but there is still a hope that it might count for something when you don't have the seniority. So, anyways, I do the best I can.
Sometimes, though things hurt. It seems like others don't trust me or something. Are they basing their judgment on past behaviors? I am wondering why because there is nothing in me that indicates stupidity or poor judgment now. I am feeling a little bit of anger, but I am putting that aside because I know the things that are going on are due to love for me and possibly fear on the part of others. I can't live my life as to how others want me to, I need to do what God tells me to. I too have been guilty of being angry at someone for not living their life "how I thought they should". When I realized my behavior, I felt horribly.
My husband has discovered that he misses us, he wants to come home. As much as I have prayed for marriage restoration - possibly, if that's all I was asking for, that could come true. Too bad that's not all I was asking for. You see, my ultimate ask was for him to be restored to God where then, of course, if he was ready to be restored to our marriage things would be ok because God was leading both parties path. I see no indication of this being the case. I see someone who is in the early stages of understanding the fact that he left behind the best part of this earthly life, his earthly family. When he said that he wasn't happy there, I couldn't help but laugh, not a mean spirited laughter, but a humor that rose up in me. "Of course your not happy silly. You left the best part of you behind and did you really think that leaving to go live a life full of self-centerdness was a God blessed thing?"
I am a woman of Christ. As much as I wish that my husband would be the man of God that God created him to be to be the covering of our family, I know that is not the case, nor do I ever believe it was. I know that right now, God is my husband for a season and I am ok with that. I know that when my husband does return, he will be welcome to come to church services, to watch me sing on the worship team, to see me live an upstanding life, to come listen to some of my pastor's life changing sermons, to maybe go to a couples small group with me. Although there are things that he can do with my daughter and I, there are many more can nots than cans.
He won't be able to live with us as he has asked to do. He won't be going to the soccer games that my family and I support for my daughter to hopefully get scouted for a good college. He won't be able to spend the night, at least not with me. He won't be able to come back into our household as the "man of the house" - actually, he won't even be able to come to my place. He gave away that right for now, maybe forever, I really don't know at this moment. God has never told me to give up praying for him, but God has showed me what a strong, wonderful, capable woman I am and I am still standing. I will remain standing. My daughter and I have a nice life right now. Pretty normal in most respects and normal in it's abnormalities as well. I have a wonderful motley crew of friends who put up with me, even at my busiest, a wonderful family that I love seeing regularly and a wonderful peace in my home. I go home to my little place and I proclaim, almost daily how I love my world, my dog, my cat, my kid (not usually in that order, but each knows they are loved in my world.)
I may not know at this moment what my future holds in regards to my marriage, but I do know that whatever the fate of that marriage is rests in God's hands. That decision is unknown to me, as much as others and myself wish it were known by now. Every step I have taken, I have listened to the voice of God, even in my mistakes. I am certain that God will continue to speak to my heart and He will let me know when to let go if that is what He wants. For right now, I don't need to lean either way, I just need to keep going forward, not looking to the right or to the left, just looking to the one who has it all under control and seeking Him with all I am.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that each of us knows when somebody has it relatively under control because they are doing exactly as they should be in life and when we need to relax our hold on them a bit and pray that God continue to guide them. Not that we leave them out there alone, but that we encircle them with love and trust that whatever God tells them, not what we tell them, is what they should be doing.
Hallelujah!
We are far from a perfect family and I know that at times, I am outside of the box. Even in those times, whether I am fitting in the box or not, I am still standing for what God wants for me. I have my own set of difficulties though and my quirks as well. I am busy, you know, the ADD type. I know that. I have to force myself to focus and could possibly be helped with the taking of a little medication, but to get to that point, it takes a lot of effort - a lot of missed time at work, which, you know, who can afford when they are facing things such as layoffs etc, where good workmanship is not supposed to take the place of seniority, but there is still a hope that it might count for something when you don't have the seniority. So, anyways, I do the best I can.
Sometimes, though things hurt. It seems like others don't trust me or something. Are they basing their judgment on past behaviors? I am wondering why because there is nothing in me that indicates stupidity or poor judgment now. I am feeling a little bit of anger, but I am putting that aside because I know the things that are going on are due to love for me and possibly fear on the part of others. I can't live my life as to how others want me to, I need to do what God tells me to. I too have been guilty of being angry at someone for not living their life "how I thought they should". When I realized my behavior, I felt horribly.
My husband has discovered that he misses us, he wants to come home. As much as I have prayed for marriage restoration - possibly, if that's all I was asking for, that could come true. Too bad that's not all I was asking for. You see, my ultimate ask was for him to be restored to God where then, of course, if he was ready to be restored to our marriage things would be ok because God was leading both parties path. I see no indication of this being the case. I see someone who is in the early stages of understanding the fact that he left behind the best part of this earthly life, his earthly family. When he said that he wasn't happy there, I couldn't help but laugh, not a mean spirited laughter, but a humor that rose up in me. "Of course your not happy silly. You left the best part of you behind and did you really think that leaving to go live a life full of self-centerdness was a God blessed thing?"
I am a woman of Christ. As much as I wish that my husband would be the man of God that God created him to be to be the covering of our family, I know that is not the case, nor do I ever believe it was. I know that right now, God is my husband for a season and I am ok with that. I know that when my husband does return, he will be welcome to come to church services, to watch me sing on the worship team, to see me live an upstanding life, to come listen to some of my pastor's life changing sermons, to maybe go to a couples small group with me. Although there are things that he can do with my daughter and I, there are many more can nots than cans.
He won't be able to live with us as he has asked to do. He won't be going to the soccer games that my family and I support for my daughter to hopefully get scouted for a good college. He won't be able to spend the night, at least not with me. He won't be able to come back into our household as the "man of the house" - actually, he won't even be able to come to my place. He gave away that right for now, maybe forever, I really don't know at this moment. God has never told me to give up praying for him, but God has showed me what a strong, wonderful, capable woman I am and I am still standing. I will remain standing. My daughter and I have a nice life right now. Pretty normal in most respects and normal in it's abnormalities as well. I have a wonderful motley crew of friends who put up with me, even at my busiest, a wonderful family that I love seeing regularly and a wonderful peace in my home. I go home to my little place and I proclaim, almost daily how I love my world, my dog, my cat, my kid (not usually in that order, but each knows they are loved in my world.)
I may not know at this moment what my future holds in regards to my marriage, but I do know that whatever the fate of that marriage is rests in God's hands. That decision is unknown to me, as much as others and myself wish it were known by now. Every step I have taken, I have listened to the voice of God, even in my mistakes. I am certain that God will continue to speak to my heart and He will let me know when to let go if that is what He wants. For right now, I don't need to lean either way, I just need to keep going forward, not looking to the right or to the left, just looking to the one who has it all under control and seeking Him with all I am.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that each of us knows when somebody has it relatively under control because they are doing exactly as they should be in life and when we need to relax our hold on them a bit and pray that God continue to guide them. Not that we leave them out there alone, but that we encircle them with love and trust that whatever God tells them, not what we tell them, is what they should be doing.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Growing
I have to laugh at the title of my post. As I was thinking of what I should call this one, I was thinking about my life, my walk with God, my professional me and just me spiritually. I'm laughing because I have not only been growing there, but I have been growing physically. I think I must have hit that mid-life women's marker I've heard of all my life, but never thought I'd be in the midst of. I am bigger than I ever thought I'd be.
Which makes me think of something. Just as I am trying to reach new heights spiritually and touch new places that God wants me to see, I need to start a whole new plan for my physicality. So, no rest for the weary onward I shall strive to both those endeavors. Good thing I don't fall into despair easily because my physical self could easily cause me to feel badly right about now, but that's ok, maybe Satan was seeing my spiritual self was doing pretty good, heading in a good direction and he figured he'd try to get me physically. AAAHHHHHHHH, (that was a buzzer). Sorry Satan that's not going to work. I just need to gear up my physical attack against you the same as I have been with my spiritual attack. Give me a few weeks, I'm gonna be back on top again. In fact, I've already won the battle because I see what you are up to.
Anyways, growing. Back on the subject. I have been spending this bit of a silence from my blog remarking at how God is really such a certain, sure thing to live your life for. I have been remarking at how all of His promises are coming true in my life. Remarking at how it really isn't all that hard to stay in His will when you make a conscious choice to do so and stand in that decision no matter what. I won't lie and say that this is always easy, but it is so worth it.
I remember the song "It's gonna be worth it" and think of the times of this past year when I, instead of giving in to things that I'd at those times rather be doing, but chose instead to do God's will for me, fighting against my will. It turned out to be worth it.
I see things around me and how in the lives of others who are going the way of the world the things that I kind of predicted would happen based on the difference of living for Christ and giving this life to the Lord have come true. I am glad to be coming true in the way of living for the Lord. Although perfection so eludes me, I know that there is measurable growth and that I am becoming something God can use to make this world a better place just by letting others know who I live for and whose I am. Anyways. I vow to continue to keep growing, spiritually only.
Today, on this Mother's day, I won a little reward at church for having been "mom" to the most children. I was given the opportunity to remember those who I have played a role of that to, even if only for a short time. I remembered my foster children and it has rehashed a renewed spirit of praying for them. So, today I ask you to join me in prayer specifically for my foster children of whom I only know of one out of the six their whereabouts. I pray that God can touch them where they are and let them know that I have never forgotten them and show them, no matter where they are that their is hope in the Lord and that they are loved. I ask you to pray for my own son who is probably heading to prison and is lost. That somehow God send someone who can reach him where he is, some man of God who can touch my son's heart. I miss my son.
Hallelujah!
Which makes me think of something. Just as I am trying to reach new heights spiritually and touch new places that God wants me to see, I need to start a whole new plan for my physicality. So, no rest for the weary onward I shall strive to both those endeavors. Good thing I don't fall into despair easily because my physical self could easily cause me to feel badly right about now, but that's ok, maybe Satan was seeing my spiritual self was doing pretty good, heading in a good direction and he figured he'd try to get me physically. AAAHHHHHHHH, (that was a buzzer). Sorry Satan that's not going to work. I just need to gear up my physical attack against you the same as I have been with my spiritual attack. Give me a few weeks, I'm gonna be back on top again. In fact, I've already won the battle because I see what you are up to.
Anyways, growing. Back on the subject. I have been spending this bit of a silence from my blog remarking at how God is really such a certain, sure thing to live your life for. I have been remarking at how all of His promises are coming true in my life. Remarking at how it really isn't all that hard to stay in His will when you make a conscious choice to do so and stand in that decision no matter what. I won't lie and say that this is always easy, but it is so worth it.
I remember the song "It's gonna be worth it" and think of the times of this past year when I, instead of giving in to things that I'd at those times rather be doing, but chose instead to do God's will for me, fighting against my will. It turned out to be worth it.
I see things around me and how in the lives of others who are going the way of the world the things that I kind of predicted would happen based on the difference of living for Christ and giving this life to the Lord have come true. I am glad to be coming true in the way of living for the Lord. Although perfection so eludes me, I know that there is measurable growth and that I am becoming something God can use to make this world a better place just by letting others know who I live for and whose I am. Anyways. I vow to continue to keep growing, spiritually only.
Today, on this Mother's day, I won a little reward at church for having been "mom" to the most children. I was given the opportunity to remember those who I have played a role of that to, even if only for a short time. I remembered my foster children and it has rehashed a renewed spirit of praying for them. So, today I ask you to join me in prayer specifically for my foster children of whom I only know of one out of the six their whereabouts. I pray that God can touch them where they are and let them know that I have never forgotten them and show them, no matter where they are that their is hope in the Lord and that they are loved. I ask you to pray for my own son who is probably heading to prison and is lost. That somehow God send someone who can reach him where he is, some man of God who can touch my son's heart. I miss my son.
Hallelujah!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Great Opportunity
I think that some of the best lessons we get to teach others is when we are caught off guard and get the opportunity to let who and whose we are just shine through naturally. Yesterday I got such an opportunity with my daughter.
I had taken an exam for a position in Napa, one which I failed. Not being a quitter (and the fact that I had already applied to take the same exam here in Sacramento in my current Department) I took the same exam about 6 weeks ago. Both exams were in the form of an interview and I knew going into the second exam that I had just failed the Napa exam. Having heard the news that I failed the first exam within 4 days via mail. I was told in the second exam that it would be 4 - 6 weeks for news to come of how I did.
Yesterday - as I was taking my daughter to turn in her paperwork for her first ever job, she grabbed the mail and brought it into the car with us. I saw the envelope. Upon seeing the envelope, I immediately grabbed it and prayed telling God that I knew that whatever was in that envelope was His will and I was ok with whatever news it held. I opened the envelope and began crying and praising God upon reading the words "Congratulations, you have successfully...." I thanked Him greatly and explained to my daughter that this could make a huge difference in our life if I could get a job that I could now apply for with the passing of the test.
I was thinking as she was in taking care of her business for her job that my reaction to the news was probably in God's plan for her to see Christianity and trust in the Lord first hand. I wasn't kidding as I prayed over that unopened envelope, and the tears of gratitude were not made up by any means, even taking me somewhat by surprise. I saw her at one point look at me more nicely than her normal look. It was cool.
Anyways, I am thanking God again for her having had the opportunity to see a bit of the real me, something that is growing every day. My trust and my faith. No matter what, I know that He has something in store for me. A God who understands that right now, I am thanking Him for the opportunity to have a break from her as she is in Phoenix visiting my son for spring break. I laughed at myself last night as I was walking back to my car in the airport parking lot. I caught myself on about the third stanza of singing "I'm free." Yes, God is good as are breaks from your kids.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we remember how blessed we are, no matter what the contents of unopened envelopes hold. That we thank God when we see he is getting through to us and that He is starting to shine through us for others to see.
Hallelujah!
I had taken an exam for a position in Napa, one which I failed. Not being a quitter (and the fact that I had already applied to take the same exam here in Sacramento in my current Department) I took the same exam about 6 weeks ago. Both exams were in the form of an interview and I knew going into the second exam that I had just failed the Napa exam. Having heard the news that I failed the first exam within 4 days via mail. I was told in the second exam that it would be 4 - 6 weeks for news to come of how I did.
Yesterday - as I was taking my daughter to turn in her paperwork for her first ever job, she grabbed the mail and brought it into the car with us. I saw the envelope. Upon seeing the envelope, I immediately grabbed it and prayed telling God that I knew that whatever was in that envelope was His will and I was ok with whatever news it held. I opened the envelope and began crying and praising God upon reading the words "Congratulations, you have successfully...." I thanked Him greatly and explained to my daughter that this could make a huge difference in our life if I could get a job that I could now apply for with the passing of the test.
I was thinking as she was in taking care of her business for her job that my reaction to the news was probably in God's plan for her to see Christianity and trust in the Lord first hand. I wasn't kidding as I prayed over that unopened envelope, and the tears of gratitude were not made up by any means, even taking me somewhat by surprise. I saw her at one point look at me more nicely than her normal look. It was cool.
Anyways, I am thanking God again for her having had the opportunity to see a bit of the real me, something that is growing every day. My trust and my faith. No matter what, I know that He has something in store for me. A God who understands that right now, I am thanking Him for the opportunity to have a break from her as she is in Phoenix visiting my son for spring break. I laughed at myself last night as I was walking back to my car in the airport parking lot. I caught myself on about the third stanza of singing "I'm free." Yes, God is good as are breaks from your kids.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we remember how blessed we are, no matter what the contents of unopened envelopes hold. That we thank God when we see he is getting through to us and that He is starting to shine through us for others to see.
Hallelujah!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Goupon
I have seen offers for bowling, miniature golf, massages, etc - all for a really discounted price. The deal is is that because so many of us will buy the product they can offer these group prices, therefore the name - Groupon. I truly recommend keeping your eye out for these daily deals. I have it hooked up where I receive and email every day that tells me what the offer of the day is. That is where you need to act quickly - they truly are offers of the day and go away in a day.
http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380
Take a peek, it's easy, all you have to do is click on the picture where it says click here. They will only send you one advertisement a day and they are worth it. I have gone in with a friend and purchased a dim sum Groupon coupon and have wanted to do the same for many other deals. Check it out - heck, all you girlfriends of mine, if you see a neat deal that you and I might enjoy together, call me!
http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380
God is great!
Hallelujah!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY - 1 YEAR TODAY
Happy Birthday to this blog, Happy Birthday to this blog....
My goodness, how time flies and how great is our God!!! I think back to where I was one year ago today and I am so grateful to God for how He has turned me around. I started writing this blog to help others who might be going through similar situations as I was. My hope was to help just one person, at least one person. I asked this from God. Little did I know that the person I was helping was ME!!!
I am so grateful to be who I am and who I am still becoming. In this past year, so much has changed, the best part of the change that has occurred is that I know for certain where I want my life headed and the best way that I should be living it. In this past year, I have (many times through trial and error) begun to find my way.
I thank God first, I thank those of you who helped me through (don't leave me now as I am so far from done) and I thank myself for hanging in there, even when I didn't think I could. I look forward to what the next year brings - hopefully you will be right there with me.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that God still continues to shine his light of literacy on me as well as that the areas I see him growing in me will begin to branch out and really make a difference in the lives of others. I think I know where he is leading me and I want to be ready and able to follow His desire for my life.
Blessings to all of you.
Hallelujah!
My goodness, how time flies and how great is our God!!! I think back to where I was one year ago today and I am so grateful to God for how He has turned me around. I started writing this blog to help others who might be going through similar situations as I was. My hope was to help just one person, at least one person. I asked this from God. Little did I know that the person I was helping was ME!!!
I am so grateful to be who I am and who I am still becoming. In this past year, so much has changed, the best part of the change that has occurred is that I know for certain where I want my life headed and the best way that I should be living it. In this past year, I have (many times through trial and error) begun to find my way.
I thank God first, I thank those of you who helped me through (don't leave me now as I am so far from done) and I thank myself for hanging in there, even when I didn't think I could. I look forward to what the next year brings - hopefully you will be right there with me.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that God still continues to shine his light of literacy on me as well as that the areas I see him growing in me will begin to branch out and really make a difference in the lives of others. I think I know where he is leading me and I want to be ready and able to follow His desire for my life.
Blessings to all of you.
Hallelujah!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Something Good Is Happening
I have decided something that I am going to tell very few people about, but I already feel the blessing of God in my decision. I know what I have decided is God's will in my life and that I am finally getting it and I am finally in a place that I can do what He wants me to. I know it isn't going to be easy to stay. I know that times will come when I will want to waiver and possibly even fall short of what I am supposed to do, but I am ready. Something good is going to happen I just know it, it already is. I am going to get better and stronger in my walk with God and my daughter is going to be so blessed because of my decision. Hee hee, I love that girl. I got a gift card to Berean for my "Celebration of Life" and went yesterday and came home with "The Power of a Praying Parent". I raced in the door and said to my girl - you are the luckiest kid in the world. I already pray for you in all you are, but now I am going to learn new ways to do the job even better! Do you know the power of a teenage blank stare. HA HA - didn't phase me. I was still excited and will remain so and am on chapter two. Anyways, something good is happening in my life - right in the midst of the nothing that is already going on. I don't really know what it is yet, but I am more focused on the fact that Jesus is coming and I am doing all I can to be ready for that day. Today join me in prayer that we - if we know what we are knowing, stand up and do what we believe in. That we thank God for speaking to hearts. Hallelujah!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Self Amusement and Lightening the Load
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sometimes I am such a whack that I can't help but laugh at myself because I am truly hilarious at times - even if I am only cracking myself up. At these times, I so thank God for letting the burden and load of this world disappear into the simple craziness of me. I hope I can get this written without my daughter getting angry at me because I know I am going to laugh out loud a good way through this writing. This past weekend I noticed at my daughter's soccer game that she - although she has a perfect little figure, looked like a little bull all stocky in the legs out on the field - you know, the kind of solid in the thighs that stood out. She looked tough and strong. Last night at my Zumba class I noticed that I wasn't moving as agile or as quickly as I normally do. This morning as I was getting dressed I realized I've gotten thick. Not a fat that I'm talking about. I'm talking dense (yes I'm laughing as I write this) and solid. It feels weird. Then it hit me... I got a Magic Bullet blender and since I have been working out alot and my daughter has been playing for her competitive league and school league, I went and got lots of fruits and this protein mix and we have been so good "drinking" all these fruits in these great protein smoothies that I've been making for us daily for the past 3 week. Hee heee... Well, I ran and looked at the container and discovered that yes it provides all these great vitamins and proteins but it helps build mass. OH MY GOSH!!!! I had us on the way to becoming Mother and daughter Hulk Hogans!! Here goes more of the funny part. I told her what I had done to us and she said "That's why I've become Thunder Thighs!" I couldn't help but laugh til my stomach hurt - all the while listening to her try to be mad at me but seeing her face and her realization that this really was kind of a funny situation and hey, she wasn't suffering alone, I am a solid rock myself. Which all got me to thinking of how great our real solid rock, Jesus Christ is. You know, how great is our God! Just like, although I made it so that we now need to put out a little effort to de-bulk, our bulking up was not something we can't redeem ourselves of. We mess up and God will restore us to Him. How great is it that we can mess up here and there, whether knowingly, or, as MOST definitely in my case, unknowingly we can get back to where we need to be. So, forgive me if I put aside the protein for now, I need to be able to lift my feet off the ground, but none the less, I will never put aside my God. I am so happy that even at the depth of my meltdown the other day, when I reflect back, I not even for a second thought of doing that. Today, please join with me in praising God for the people who step up and are the hands and feet of God and who jump in when they are needed to help those who need a little Jesus now. Join with me in praising God for stomach hurting laughter and for times with others that laugh with us, even when they try not to. Join with me praising God that nothing is ever really without hope or beyond repair. God is so great. As for my "thick" situation. I spent all my breaks today going for lengthy walks, got off the bus WAY before I had to to walk home. Hmmm, took me three weeks to get thick, hopefully I can get rid of it in the same amount of time. I'm at least going to try and I am certain that the calories I expend laughing at myself will help along the way. Hallelujah!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Weight of My Sin
I had an out and out meltdown today. Not a stitch of a joke here. Started when I went to rehearse for today's songset for the worship team and I just wasn't getting it right, pitchy, forgetting my tune, whatever, I wasn't able to get it right. I felt like something was pressing down on me. However, I found my accountablity partners and we prayed prior to service and all I know is I'm sure I still wasn't that great, but the Holy Spirit was there in that church as we all worshiped God together. I still remember one moment looking around in the sanctuary at the people worshiping God and telling God how much I loved each and every person there and meaning it. I went to go sit down for the service after worship and as the pastor began the sermon, Satan started "having a party in my head". It was nothing like I had ever experienced before. I think it felt like what I have heard anxiety attacks described to be. He was saying things like "go get your daughter, tell the worship leader you are done and leave this church." Things that were coming out of nowhere because I never feel or think those things - EVER!! Being as I began to feel like I was going to scream, I got up and left the sanctuary, not to leave, but to find a sister to pray with me. It was weird, there was no one in the foyer, no one in the kitchen, but in the worship room was the worship leader and a sister from the worship team. I proceeded to melt. The worship leader went and got the other sisters of the team and they held me up while I bared my soul and loved me through my meltdown. No, Satan did not have his way with me completely. Thankfully I am in the midst of a great covering of people in my church who helped me breathe and get through it. Things have been hard lately, but not so hard that I had any intention on giving up or giving in, but I won't deny that I have felt just a bit of the pressure. However, although I was growing in leaps and bounds in other areas, there was one area that I didn't have completely covered and - of course, I am certain that Satan saw my weakness and dug right in, or at least he tried. Part of my pressure has been the sin of that weakness, I know that to be true because I have seen it, but was trying to brush it away. It felt good to admit my weakness and my sadness about another area of my life and be shown and told that one, there is a way out and two, to remember to give things to the Lord and not try to do so much at one time. I am taking these things to heart. I have seen me change lately and I like what I see. I have been letting God lead me in a specific way that could cause me to lead others. This weakness of mine glared in light of where God is leading. I have now been lightened by confessing this weakness and have been shown how to "make things right". Now I'm free to let God use me in this area that I think He is planning to use me. I think I'm one step closer to ready to leading by example and I want to. It's funny how when you think you have let go of everything, something comes along and shows you how wrong you are. I'll say no more on the fact that I think I've let go of everything holding me back because who knows what tomorrow will bring. The one thing I know is that the weight of my sin gave Satan a little bit of a hold in an area that he does not belong to be in. The weight of my sin was holding me back, caused me to nearly freak out at a moment that I didn't expect it and in a way I would have never though possible from myself. I do know that at least in this moment of time, I am free from that weight. Psalm 40:12, For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. I don't want my heart to fail over this issue any longer. Thank you my worship family and my God for providing me with such a loving church and a self that knows that I want to follow you and that I want to see. Today I ask you to join me in prayer that others don't have to have a panic attack or nearly freak out from the weight of their sin. That God allow them to get out from under that weight without something like that having to happen, but that God discern if that is what they need, then let them go through that. I know it worked for me. I got it. Hallelujah! (PS -SORRY FOR THE RUN ON PARAGRAPHS - THE BLOG WOULDN'T LET ME EDIT IT TONIGHT AND THIS IS NOT REALLY HOW I TYPED IT)
Friday, March 18, 2011
Digging Deeper
I wrote a blog - you can reread it if you like, called Nothing is Perfect and Baby Gates. It spoke of how Spike, my dog, needed to be restricted from my daughter's room with a baby gate because of the fact that he wanted to pee on her pants on the floor. Well, a baby gate solved that problem for some time. However, I have (much to my dismay) discovered that Spike has discovered a new peeing spot in a place just as unacceptable in her room, the front room, one small area. Well, NOT COOL!!!! This is a dog who has free access via a dog door to the patio with the golf course grass and potted plants to pee in. I cleaned the area with some home remedy designed to take out the pee smell and then he peed on the concoction. Spike is so very grounded. No more free house access at all. He sleeps in a crate and now the door is shut at night. He is outside on the patio during the day and when we are away from home.
This got me to thinking about me. Sometimes it seems as if I create a new boundary for myself but find that that just isn't enough. I need to go even a step further. I think this is true of the human race because I notice it in certain circumstances with my daughter. I also have been noting this in my Christian walk. I can not get lax in my walk with God and there are times, that I see that I need to step it up just a bit as well.
Some of you have noticed that I have been quiet for a while. I have been thinking about things. My Whatever called me on my birthday and it kind of confused me just a little. Even amidst the confusion though I was praising God for wisdom and a new ability to see things more clearly. He left in August to go find himself in Mexico, came back in December for whatever reason, acted during the probably 3 times we dealt with each other like he hated me and left again about a month and half ago to go live in Mexico.
Well, in the conversation on my birthday he told me Happy Birthday and then after I thanked him he said that he was standing in "our" house (when I asked him to buy me out of our house when he was here he said it wasn't my house anymore) and was lonely because it was so empty. He said he wasn't happy there. I said how could you be, you left the best part of you behind, me and our daughter. He asked if I would want to go live there. I said that all I ever wanted was for him to love me and treat me as a good husband should. I then laughed and said you don't love me and you know that. He then said that he wasn't sure if he missed me or if he missed our daughter. He then asked if we were doing okThat was the conversation.
This is what my brain heard. "Hey, why don't you come here and let me see if maybe you guys will make me happy and if not, let me dispose of you again". I was so grateful to God. What a glorious God that let me see what this man really needs. He needs God. I told him that. I said that he would not ever find that happiness until he found God. I just wish that he would see this. I was so able to see that he has not changed. He is still lost and I am seeing first hand as a healing person what it looks like to see an active runner finding that wherever they go, they will be there and that they will still be as lost as they were in the place they ran from. He needs to dig deeper than surface running. He needs to get on his knees and turn his eyes upon Jesus.
Talking to him sombered me a bit and caused me feel a little confused about having given up on my stand for God to restore my marriage. I am somewhat at a loss for words to describe how I have felt about this except to come up with the word sombered. Somewhat numbed, sad and confused. However, I have come to the realization that all I can do is pray for him that he find his way while continuing on the path set before me. To raise my daughter and to give my entire life to God not questioning why, just trusting Him that if I do my best, He will take up the slack. Therefore, I am digging deeper.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we don't get confused in what it is God wants for us. That we continue to trust Him and know that He will iron things out in His time and in His way. That we dig deeper in those confusing times. Join me in prayer for those runners that we know that they will find God and have to run no more. That maybe just maybe, even my Whatever will end up on his knees someday.
Hallelujah!
This got me to thinking about me. Sometimes it seems as if I create a new boundary for myself but find that that just isn't enough. I need to go even a step further. I think this is true of the human race because I notice it in certain circumstances with my daughter. I also have been noting this in my Christian walk. I can not get lax in my walk with God and there are times, that I see that I need to step it up just a bit as well.
Some of you have noticed that I have been quiet for a while. I have been thinking about things. My Whatever called me on my birthday and it kind of confused me just a little. Even amidst the confusion though I was praising God for wisdom and a new ability to see things more clearly. He left in August to go find himself in Mexico, came back in December for whatever reason, acted during the probably 3 times we dealt with each other like he hated me and left again about a month and half ago to go live in Mexico.
Well, in the conversation on my birthday he told me Happy Birthday and then after I thanked him he said that he was standing in "our" house (when I asked him to buy me out of our house when he was here he said it wasn't my house anymore) and was lonely because it was so empty. He said he wasn't happy there. I said how could you be, you left the best part of you behind, me and our daughter. He asked if I would want to go live there. I said that all I ever wanted was for him to love me and treat me as a good husband should. I then laughed and said you don't love me and you know that. He then said that he wasn't sure if he missed me or if he missed our daughter. He then asked if we were doing okThat was the conversation.
This is what my brain heard. "Hey, why don't you come here and let me see if maybe you guys will make me happy and if not, let me dispose of you again". I was so grateful to God. What a glorious God that let me see what this man really needs. He needs God. I told him that. I said that he would not ever find that happiness until he found God. I just wish that he would see this. I was so able to see that he has not changed. He is still lost and I am seeing first hand as a healing person what it looks like to see an active runner finding that wherever they go, they will be there and that they will still be as lost as they were in the place they ran from. He needs to dig deeper than surface running. He needs to get on his knees and turn his eyes upon Jesus.
Talking to him sombered me a bit and caused me feel a little confused about having given up on my stand for God to restore my marriage. I am somewhat at a loss for words to describe how I have felt about this except to come up with the word sombered. Somewhat numbed, sad and confused. However, I have come to the realization that all I can do is pray for him that he find his way while continuing on the path set before me. To raise my daughter and to give my entire life to God not questioning why, just trusting Him that if I do my best, He will take up the slack. Therefore, I am digging deeper.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we don't get confused in what it is God wants for us. That we continue to trust Him and know that He will iron things out in His time and in His way. That we dig deeper in those confusing times. Join me in prayer for those runners that we know that they will find God and have to run no more. That maybe just maybe, even my Whatever will end up on his knees someday.
Hallelujah!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Taking Charge of Me - Resting in His Peace
The weirdest thing has happened to me. I am resting in God's peace. I am coming full circle to understanding His ways. I am letting Him be full in me.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to have had such a wonderful "Celebration of Life" birthday party. I have had people apologize for not having been there and for all of those people it's ok. Those that were there are the exact people I would have hand-selected had I been doing that. My mother said today that she was still on a high at how wonderful the crowd was and remarked at how much she saw that they loved me. Guess what, each and every person there was so special to me and I love each and every one of them in return. I had to smile as the DJ said to me "I like your people". I like them too.
There is a very real possibility that I am facing a layoff in the near future. I am not afraid. Instead, I just feel this real hope to encourage others to not be afraid as well. There are 124 positions that will be gone where I work now, although mine is not "earmarked" for cutting, seniority of others can very likely "bump" me. I'm not worried about me, I'm only hoping to show others that they don't have to be afraid either. I have shared about the birds - how they don't worry about what they are going to eat tomorrow, and how if God loves the birds how much more He loves us. I am not sharing something I don't believe, I am sharing what I know to be true. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Armed with Financial Peace University techniques and the promises of God, all I can do is pray for others and trust that I can help convey to them to trust as well.
I am finally getting how to be a wonderful mother. I have learned how to set wonderful limits and am gaining a trust and a respect from my daughter in doing so. Gosh, it has only taken me raising three boys and now my daughter to finally get it. I am putting into practice to pray for and love those that have hurt me while putting into practice that I don't have to put myself out there to be hurt by those again. Example... I was truly wronged last week by someone and the thing that broke my heart was looking at the situation through their eyes and understanding where they were coming from based on their past experiences. I knew why they were behaving as they were and I prayed for them and meant it. I won't lie and say I didn't get angered at first, but I am still kind of amazed at how even during my anger I was praying for them.
My pastor said a few words at my party this weekend and I was amazed to see that the story he told was about dead on for what I wanted to share. What I wanted to share was how we need to stand up and choose to be better and work on healing ourselves in the areas we need to do so. We must self assess and be real with ourselves. I am not blind. I see my weaknesses, but it's time that I also allow myself to see my goodness. I have not been passive in my healing. The best words ever told to me were from my friend (PZ) who told me that God was telling her to tell me something - no more whining. I quit whining and decided right then and there I wanted to get well. I don't want to live my life hurting over what was lost, hurting over the troubles in life. I want to live my life in the fullness of His joy.
I found it interesting that today's sermon (Changing Your World) was about letting peace rule in your life as that is something that God has been revealing to me this past few weeks. Letting peace rule involves choosing to not get agitated by the circumstances of this life. It involves not trying to keep up with the Joneses, but to be happy with what and who you are. I love my life. Along with this revelation, I have been praying for everything and everyone. I want to share with others that these are not my ways that are working in my life. These are the ways of God. I love our Lord with all that I am and I know that He is going to provide me and my girl with what we need. It may at times seem like we don't care if we don't get bothered by things, but I feel as if I do care even more than if I outwardly show signs of being upset because at those times, I am praying harder than I ever have before.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we lift up those around us in prayer, that we don't let ourselves get agitated by the circumstances of this world but we trust that all will work out. Please pray specifically for the people of my workplace that are going to be laid off that maybe, just maybe I can show even a handful of them to not worry and to rest in the fact that, yes, things might be difficult for a moment, but that we can take charge and rest in His peace.
Hallelujah!
I can't tell you how grateful I am to have had such a wonderful "Celebration of Life" birthday party. I have had people apologize for not having been there and for all of those people it's ok. Those that were there are the exact people I would have hand-selected had I been doing that. My mother said today that she was still on a high at how wonderful the crowd was and remarked at how much she saw that they loved me. Guess what, each and every person there was so special to me and I love each and every one of them in return. I had to smile as the DJ said to me "I like your people". I like them too.
There is a very real possibility that I am facing a layoff in the near future. I am not afraid. Instead, I just feel this real hope to encourage others to not be afraid as well. There are 124 positions that will be gone where I work now, although mine is not "earmarked" for cutting, seniority of others can very likely "bump" me. I'm not worried about me, I'm only hoping to show others that they don't have to be afraid either. I have shared about the birds - how they don't worry about what they are going to eat tomorrow, and how if God loves the birds how much more He loves us. I am not sharing something I don't believe, I am sharing what I know to be true. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Armed with Financial Peace University techniques and the promises of God, all I can do is pray for others and trust that I can help convey to them to trust as well.
I am finally getting how to be a wonderful mother. I have learned how to set wonderful limits and am gaining a trust and a respect from my daughter in doing so. Gosh, it has only taken me raising three boys and now my daughter to finally get it. I am putting into practice to pray for and love those that have hurt me while putting into practice that I don't have to put myself out there to be hurt by those again. Example... I was truly wronged last week by someone and the thing that broke my heart was looking at the situation through their eyes and understanding where they were coming from based on their past experiences. I knew why they were behaving as they were and I prayed for them and meant it. I won't lie and say I didn't get angered at first, but I am still kind of amazed at how even during my anger I was praying for them.
My pastor said a few words at my party this weekend and I was amazed to see that the story he told was about dead on for what I wanted to share. What I wanted to share was how we need to stand up and choose to be better and work on healing ourselves in the areas we need to do so. We must self assess and be real with ourselves. I am not blind. I see my weaknesses, but it's time that I also allow myself to see my goodness. I have not been passive in my healing. The best words ever told to me were from my friend (PZ) who told me that God was telling her to tell me something - no more whining. I quit whining and decided right then and there I wanted to get well. I don't want to live my life hurting over what was lost, hurting over the troubles in life. I want to live my life in the fullness of His joy.
I found it interesting that today's sermon (Changing Your World) was about letting peace rule in your life as that is something that God has been revealing to me this past few weeks. Letting peace rule involves choosing to not get agitated by the circumstances of this life. It involves not trying to keep up with the Joneses, but to be happy with what and who you are. I love my life. Along with this revelation, I have been praying for everything and everyone. I want to share with others that these are not my ways that are working in my life. These are the ways of God. I love our Lord with all that I am and I know that He is going to provide me and my girl with what we need. It may at times seem like we don't care if we don't get bothered by things, but I feel as if I do care even more than if I outwardly show signs of being upset because at those times, I am praying harder than I ever have before.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we lift up those around us in prayer, that we don't let ourselves get agitated by the circumstances of this world but we trust that all will work out. Please pray specifically for the people of my workplace that are going to be laid off that maybe, just maybe I can show even a handful of them to not worry and to rest in the fact that, yes, things might be difficult for a moment, but that we can take charge and rest in His peace.
Hallelujah!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Art of Giving
You know, as christians, we, by the mere fact that we are striving to be more like God, are designed to give gifts. Gifts that come from the heart. I have found a neat place that has gifts for coffee lovers. http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Gifts-for-Coffee-Lovers My favorite items are the jumbo coffee mugs, I mean how nice it is in the morning to sit down with a big mug of coffee and just look out a window and relax.
Another place to look for neat coffee gifts is http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Coffee-Specialty-Blends Gosh, to wake up to that great fresh brewed smell is the bomb. I love the commercials with the women in the oversized white puffy robes and oversized mugs as I always know how good I feel when I am doing exactly as they are.
http://www.shopwiki.com/Art-of-Coffee really has everything you need to be a good giver to a lover of nice coffees and supplies. A gift given from the heart should always be well received.
Today, join me in prayer that we all strive to be more like God and be giving in our nature, just as He was in His.
Hallelujah!
Another place to look for neat coffee gifts is http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Coffee-Specialty-Blends Gosh, to wake up to that great fresh brewed smell is the bomb. I love the commercials with the women in the oversized white puffy robes and oversized mugs as I always know how good I feel when I am doing exactly as they are.
http://www.shopwiki.com/Art-of-Coffee really has everything you need to be a good giver to a lover of nice coffees and supplies. A gift given from the heart should always be well received.
Today, join me in prayer that we all strive to be more like God and be giving in our nature, just as He was in His.
Hallelujah!
Nursing Scrubs
You know, all my life I have wished that I could have worn uniforms. Uniforms to work, uniforms to school - uniforms for each day of the week. I have recently run across this cool website for such a thing I mean these are cheap scrubs! http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/
I mean really now - how comfortable would it be to bend over at the copy machine to pick up a ream of paper in these scrub pants. http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/categories/Scrubs/Scrubs-for-women/Original-Scrubs/Scrub-Bottoms/
I think life would be much softer and nicer if we were all comfortable in our own clothes - even if they are just scrub clothing http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/
I seriously think that God would see us just the same if we all wore scrubs. Now, why don't we all do the same as God?
Anyways, today, I ask you to join me in prayer that we love each other - no matter what we are wearing.
Hallelujah!
I mean really now - how comfortable would it be to bend over at the copy machine to pick up a ream of paper in these scrub pants. http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/categories/Scrubs/Scrubs-for-women/Original-Scrubs/Scrub-Bottoms/
I think life would be much softer and nicer if we were all comfortable in our own clothes - even if they are just scrub clothing http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/
I seriously think that God would see us just the same if we all wore scrubs. Now, why don't we all do the same as God?
Anyways, today, I ask you to join me in prayer that we love each other - no matter what we are wearing.
Hallelujah!
Monday, February 28, 2011
I Chose
I am so excited! My Goodness, I have done something good. Enjoy this moment because you will rarely hear me say it. I am praising God for His growth in me to reach my dream of being a better mother.
My daughter is going to be 16. She of course has visions of a job of some sort while I would prefer that she not work during the school year. Voila!!! Lifeguarding. My son, the 25 year old living in Arizona Financial Advisor, had been a lifeguard at 16 and credits a lot of his work ethic, etc to having had that opportunity. I presented this to my daughter about 1 1/2 months ago and she said yes so I signed her up for the course. Oops, and here comes soccer ref training, we got two days notice for this class which she has wanted to take for over a year. Both classes are each two weeks long and this week those classes overlap one another.
I knew that I would need to take a little extra time to prepare for this week to support her as I understand that she is still a kid sort of and has never had many "had-to's" in life. I understood that this might be a hard week. Well, we were readied and prepared and my mom, Praise God for her, had my back in every meaning of the statement. We were set to go.
However, we didn't factor in the weekend of not enough sleep for my daughter, or the fact that the school's soccer pre-season games just happen to be going on this week as well. Hello meltdown on my girl's part. Don't you just know that she never wanted to be a lifeguard or do any of this training that she has to go through? Don't you know that this is all for me? Oh, but yes, it's all my fault that she is missing the games, etc.
I chose to understand. I chose to remain calm and am praying that no matter what this week brings, I will stay strong, steadfast, steady and calm through any of the storm that she is trying to toss about. I have prayed on this. I have "huddled" with my mother to make certain that we are on the same page. I do understand. This is a test of endurance, but praise God my daughter is so blessed to have two people who are standing right behind her holding her up. I know that these tests of her endurance are so going to pay off for her in the next year of her life and who knows, possibly the rest of her life as in my son's case. All I know is that I made a choice to understand and that she is going to be better off because of of the fact that we stayed. I love that girl.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we hesitate to find ourselves in the midst of anger. That we try to choose to look at the other side of things. That we understand where others are coming from and let the light of Jesus shine through us.
Hallelujah!
My daughter is going to be 16. She of course has visions of a job of some sort while I would prefer that she not work during the school year. Voila!!! Lifeguarding. My son, the 25 year old living in Arizona Financial Advisor, had been a lifeguard at 16 and credits a lot of his work ethic, etc to having had that opportunity. I presented this to my daughter about 1 1/2 months ago and she said yes so I signed her up for the course. Oops, and here comes soccer ref training, we got two days notice for this class which she has wanted to take for over a year. Both classes are each two weeks long and this week those classes overlap one another.
I knew that I would need to take a little extra time to prepare for this week to support her as I understand that she is still a kid sort of and has never had many "had-to's" in life. I understood that this might be a hard week. Well, we were readied and prepared and my mom, Praise God for her, had my back in every meaning of the statement. We were set to go.
However, we didn't factor in the weekend of not enough sleep for my daughter, or the fact that the school's soccer pre-season games just happen to be going on this week as well. Hello meltdown on my girl's part. Don't you just know that she never wanted to be a lifeguard or do any of this training that she has to go through? Don't you know that this is all for me? Oh, but yes, it's all my fault that she is missing the games, etc.
I chose to understand. I chose to remain calm and am praying that no matter what this week brings, I will stay strong, steadfast, steady and calm through any of the storm that she is trying to toss about. I have prayed on this. I have "huddled" with my mother to make certain that we are on the same page. I do understand. This is a test of endurance, but praise God my daughter is so blessed to have two people who are standing right behind her holding her up. I know that these tests of her endurance are so going to pay off for her in the next year of her life and who knows, possibly the rest of her life as in my son's case. All I know is that I made a choice to understand and that she is going to be better off because of of the fact that we stayed. I love that girl.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we hesitate to find ourselves in the midst of anger. That we try to choose to look at the other side of things. That we understand where others are coming from and let the light of Jesus shine through us.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
No Slow Fade Here
You know, my Pastor spoke on something, I believe in October and looking back at it makes me mad. Not at him, but at the truthfulness of what he said. He was speaking about human nature and how we humans are great starters of things, but we don't always finish what we began. Dang - I was hoping to prove a point and not let that apply to me however, it didn't work as I guess I am only human after all as much as I wish it weren't true.
You see, I have not stayed on course in a few areas. I love the Casting Crowns song how they speak of the slow fade, how black and white fade to grey. I have seen myself, through my lack of perseverance, falling into grey zones. Don't worry, I'm not talking big stuff, I am talking just not keeping my thumb on myself to stay as constant and strong as I am supposed to. However, that buck stops here.
Today's sermon, although titled "Finances of the King" was about so much more than how we steward our monies, it was about how we steward our lives. A highlight of the service comes down to the fact that we are here to show and tell others who God is and what it means to have a realtionship with him. Gosh, that has been the core of my existence now for the last year and a half, but for some reason, I have almost been feeling as if I weren't shining as brightly as normal and I don't really know why except for the fact that I have let myself get lax. I quit climbing the stairs at work and I think that was the beginning of my grey zone.
I think that the fact that money has been so tight, I might have just kind of let myself feel badly that I can't give financially like I used to. I think that the way I have felt about this fact has let me fall into grey zones spiritually. However, pastor said today how God doesn't demand that we give, he simply gives us opportunities to give. After all, when we give, it brings us closer to God's nature for He gave the ultimate gift for us, His son. I thought about this and I realized that I need to check my patience. God knows that I can't give the finances that I would give if I had them, but I am the one who believes He will restore all that Satan has taken from me. However, for now, God gives me plenty of opportunities to give by shining the light of Him and I don't waste any of them.
I shine as best as I can on the job by using the gift of a great professional career to be the multi-faceted and capable person that is needed by many to complete various tasks with a good spirit. I shine as a mother always placing great emphasis on leading by example, getting my girl to church and instructing her on the ways of the Lord. I shine as a family member - at church and at home, always showing the love of Jesus and not even faking it, I really have that one down.
I need to remember that the me who has believed that I am on the right path is still there, I have just not stayed as upright as I should and I don't want to go into grey, I want black and white to be my world, a tunnel vision of sorts. Anyways, I vow to never stop believing that God's not finished with me yet and I vow to not give in and quit fighting the good fight. After all, I am a chosen one and have been commissioned to do great things.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we stay strong, that we don't let our black and white fade to grey. That we keep the shine in our life and the we remember who we are in Christ. That we fight to keep our wills in check and stop ourselves from fading away.
Hallelujah!
You see, I have not stayed on course in a few areas. I love the Casting Crowns song how they speak of the slow fade, how black and white fade to grey. I have seen myself, through my lack of perseverance, falling into grey zones. Don't worry, I'm not talking big stuff, I am talking just not keeping my thumb on myself to stay as constant and strong as I am supposed to. However, that buck stops here.
Today's sermon, although titled "Finances of the King" was about so much more than how we steward our monies, it was about how we steward our lives. A highlight of the service comes down to the fact that we are here to show and tell others who God is and what it means to have a realtionship with him. Gosh, that has been the core of my existence now for the last year and a half, but for some reason, I have almost been feeling as if I weren't shining as brightly as normal and I don't really know why except for the fact that I have let myself get lax. I quit climbing the stairs at work and I think that was the beginning of my grey zone.
I think that the fact that money has been so tight, I might have just kind of let myself feel badly that I can't give financially like I used to. I think that the way I have felt about this fact has let me fall into grey zones spiritually. However, pastor said today how God doesn't demand that we give, he simply gives us opportunities to give. After all, when we give, it brings us closer to God's nature for He gave the ultimate gift for us, His son. I thought about this and I realized that I need to check my patience. God knows that I can't give the finances that I would give if I had them, but I am the one who believes He will restore all that Satan has taken from me. However, for now, God gives me plenty of opportunities to give by shining the light of Him and I don't waste any of them.
I shine as best as I can on the job by using the gift of a great professional career to be the multi-faceted and capable person that is needed by many to complete various tasks with a good spirit. I shine as a mother always placing great emphasis on leading by example, getting my girl to church and instructing her on the ways of the Lord. I shine as a family member - at church and at home, always showing the love of Jesus and not even faking it, I really have that one down.
I need to remember that the me who has believed that I am on the right path is still there, I have just not stayed as upright as I should and I don't want to go into grey, I want black and white to be my world, a tunnel vision of sorts. Anyways, I vow to never stop believing that God's not finished with me yet and I vow to not give in and quit fighting the good fight. After all, I am a chosen one and have been commissioned to do great things.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we stay strong, that we don't let our black and white fade to grey. That we keep the shine in our life and the we remember who we are in Christ. That we fight to keep our wills in check and stop ourselves from fading away.
Hallelujah!
Friday, February 25, 2011
I think I made it!
Well, my whatever left yesterday to go live in Mexico. Of course, he stated that he wanted to take our daughter with him, but of course, I am not giving her up. I can't help but state that I am kind of thrilled at this moment to not be wealthy because if I were, I would probably renew her passport which expires next month, but being as I can't afford it, God has worked it all out that her passport will expire and will not be renewed. Therefore, if he wants her to visit there, he will not only have to pay for her ticket there and back, but for the renewal of her passport. There, that said I have to share how I think I've made it.
Of course, this most recent of departures of him caused me to watch her for signs of hurt, anxiety, whatever, however, it caused me to watch myself for the same. I was pleased to see I was ok. The most exciting part is that today I saw a picture of him and my daughter taken at his going away party last weekend. Now mind you, for whatever reason, I kind of like them ugly. You know, Billy Bob Thorton, Gary Busey, Mick Jagger, you get the picture. Well, my husband was, to me, beautiful in his ugliness. However, this picture of my whatever appeared to me to be an ugly man. I mean something I would never be attracted to. PRAISE GOD!!!! No hurt, no man I love that man, no I miss that person. I only saw EEEWWWW. I, to be honest with you, found myself looking at that picture and not even caring about that person.
I think I made it to the point I needed to get to with only a little bit left to go as I still have a little hurt over how badly he duped me and took me for all I had materially. However, I hope I haven't gone too far. I hope God will reign me in and allow for me to find a way to care enough about him to pray for him as looking at that person in the picture, I had no desire to even do that anymore. I'm certain that God will iron this out as I believe his promise of Philippians 1:6 "He that begin a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". I know that He will allow for me to eventually care a little about the ugly to me person in that picture in a way that won't hurt me, after all, I matter too.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we can each acknowledge when we take a step in whatever healing process we are on. I also - totally different subject - ask you to join me in prayer for my Celebration of Life Party that God just so be there. I have invited almost everybody and am inviting God daily to be there as well. Today I secured a DJ and he seems to be in line with what my plan and dream is for the day so I ask that God will just bless this event. I am really excited to share these moments with all those that attend.
Hallelujah!!
Of course, this most recent of departures of him caused me to watch her for signs of hurt, anxiety, whatever, however, it caused me to watch myself for the same. I was pleased to see I was ok. The most exciting part is that today I saw a picture of him and my daughter taken at his going away party last weekend. Now mind you, for whatever reason, I kind of like them ugly. You know, Billy Bob Thorton, Gary Busey, Mick Jagger, you get the picture. Well, my husband was, to me, beautiful in his ugliness. However, this picture of my whatever appeared to me to be an ugly man. I mean something I would never be attracted to. PRAISE GOD!!!! No hurt, no man I love that man, no I miss that person. I only saw EEEWWWW. I, to be honest with you, found myself looking at that picture and not even caring about that person.
I think I made it to the point I needed to get to with only a little bit left to go as I still have a little hurt over how badly he duped me and took me for all I had materially. However, I hope I haven't gone too far. I hope God will reign me in and allow for me to find a way to care enough about him to pray for him as looking at that person in the picture, I had no desire to even do that anymore. I'm certain that God will iron this out as I believe his promise of Philippians 1:6 "He that begin a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". I know that He will allow for me to eventually care a little about the ugly to me person in that picture in a way that won't hurt me, after all, I matter too.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we can each acknowledge when we take a step in whatever healing process we are on. I also - totally different subject - ask you to join me in prayer for my Celebration of Life Party that God just so be there. I have invited almost everybody and am inviting God daily to be there as well. Today I secured a DJ and he seems to be in line with what my plan and dream is for the day so I ask that God will just bless this event. I am really excited to share these moments with all those that attend.
Hallelujah!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Telling it Like it Is
I have never felt that it was fair of so many - mainly women, who, when there is a separation or divorce, to take so much from the father in child support or alimony that the man can barely support himself much less buy the child a gift now and then on their visits with him. To me, that was just another horrible misfortune of divorce. I am all for fairness. I sat down a few weeks ago and did an honest assessment of what it takes to raise my daughter in the manner which she deserves to be cared for as far as finances go, and mind you, I completely forgot the cost of housing for her.
Being as the child support we receive was sporadic at best, I presented half of this amount to her father as an amount he should consider giving. He came to give us $40 because I couldn't even buy milk at the end of the month. Granted, I - because I just felt so comfortable in my trust of God really wasn't stressing about it, I was somewhat distressed at the minimal amount he was tossing our way, oh and don't forget the accusations of where the money I earn from my job is going. Anyways, when presented with this amount, which is an extremely, bare minimum amount, he balked and had his standard jumping around ugly and angry fit. Now mind you, this is someone who eats out at Red Lobster for lunch and Black Angus for dinner no less than 8 times a week and has the financial freedom to come and go from here to Mexico as he desires. This is someone who has a marijuana habit that runs in the range of $140 a week easy with all the joys of the varieties of things to buy and the medical marijuana places after he received a license to purchase them because his knee hurt.
You see, we owned a business together that is still thriving. However, he, in anticipation of the moves he planned on making "gave" the business to his son. He works when he's here, but his son sends support money to him each month, more than I even make in a mnoth, where he is living in Mexico in the house that my money built and paid for and that contains all of the items from our 5 bedroom home here that my daughter and I had to leave behind when we - let's just say, escaped from there. He's pretty set.
Anyways, when I presented him with the more than fair child support amount which he balked at, he told me a bare minimal amount that he was going to give and that he would give that on the first of each month. The first came and went and I text and said what's up. He called back and left a message that he was going to give his support on the 15th of each month. I again text him back (I see no need to talk to someone unreasonable) saying fine, but please mail me a check because our daughter does not need to be in the middle of adult matters. Well, yesterday came and not only did he give our daughter cash to deal with, the amount was just a little over half of the amount he owed.
In light of the fact that he's going back to Mexico next week, I had dropped my daughter off at a Panda Express to eat with him and I caught a quick glance of them together, and this was before I even knew of his latest slight as far as supporting her. I felt sorry for him. She is so wonderful, such an interesting young woman and they were so close. He is missing out on so very much, not only of having her in his life, but of sharing a life with both she and I. He may have all of our "stuff" but I've really gotten the better end of the deal. I have her and we are free from living in fear of him.
I met up with my daughter at my mom's and she put the money in my wallet, I still didn't know the amount. When my mom and I went to the grocery store, I counted and called my daughter and asked her if the amount was right, assuring me it was, I hung up and couldn't help but say AHHHHHHHHH a few times. I mean really, this makes it hard to take care of her like every kid deserves to be cared for. His lack of support just makes it hard. I can do it and I trust that God will be certain that I can, but it is just so wrong of any parent to do this to their child when they can afford to make a few sacrifices to not leave their child having to do without so much. Anyways, after I sent out a few frustrated AHHHHs, I really couldn't help myself to feel even more sorry for him and to pray for him even more.
How badly he must feel about himself - especially in light of my reaction to him. I text him and said for God to be with him because what he was doing to her was unfair and wrong. I told him I would pray for him. And I will. And I have and I will continue to do so. It really isn't about money even, it's about love. I mean, I would give up everything if it was something she needed, something to help her along the path of being all she can be. Even when I had money, I never spoiled my kids, it was always about giving them what they needed.
I just this very minute got a call from him saying if I couldn't support our daughter why didn't I let her go and live with him and he wouldn't want any support from me as he could afford to support her better than I can. Really now, if he can do all of that, why doesn't he do it now. He wished me a great life saying that he's leaving next week. I told him to go with God.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer for the children caught in the mess of divorce. I ask you to join me in prayer - again - that marriages in trouble turn to God before they turn to divorce. God hates divorce and so do I. This was never the desire of my heart and I know it was not God's first choice.
Hallelujah!
Being as the child support we receive was sporadic at best, I presented half of this amount to her father as an amount he should consider giving. He came to give us $40 because I couldn't even buy milk at the end of the month. Granted, I - because I just felt so comfortable in my trust of God really wasn't stressing about it, I was somewhat distressed at the minimal amount he was tossing our way, oh and don't forget the accusations of where the money I earn from my job is going. Anyways, when presented with this amount, which is an extremely, bare minimum amount, he balked and had his standard jumping around ugly and angry fit. Now mind you, this is someone who eats out at Red Lobster for lunch and Black Angus for dinner no less than 8 times a week and has the financial freedom to come and go from here to Mexico as he desires. This is someone who has a marijuana habit that runs in the range of $140 a week easy with all the joys of the varieties of things to buy and the medical marijuana places after he received a license to purchase them because his knee hurt.
You see, we owned a business together that is still thriving. However, he, in anticipation of the moves he planned on making "gave" the business to his son. He works when he's here, but his son sends support money to him each month, more than I even make in a mnoth, where he is living in Mexico in the house that my money built and paid for and that contains all of the items from our 5 bedroom home here that my daughter and I had to leave behind when we - let's just say, escaped from there. He's pretty set.
Anyways, when I presented him with the more than fair child support amount which he balked at, he told me a bare minimal amount that he was going to give and that he would give that on the first of each month. The first came and went and I text and said what's up. He called back and left a message that he was going to give his support on the 15th of each month. I again text him back (I see no need to talk to someone unreasonable) saying fine, but please mail me a check because our daughter does not need to be in the middle of adult matters. Well, yesterday came and not only did he give our daughter cash to deal with, the amount was just a little over half of the amount he owed.
In light of the fact that he's going back to Mexico next week, I had dropped my daughter off at a Panda Express to eat with him and I caught a quick glance of them together, and this was before I even knew of his latest slight as far as supporting her. I felt sorry for him. She is so wonderful, such an interesting young woman and they were so close. He is missing out on so very much, not only of having her in his life, but of sharing a life with both she and I. He may have all of our "stuff" but I've really gotten the better end of the deal. I have her and we are free from living in fear of him.
I met up with my daughter at my mom's and she put the money in my wallet, I still didn't know the amount. When my mom and I went to the grocery store, I counted and called my daughter and asked her if the amount was right, assuring me it was, I hung up and couldn't help but say AHHHHHHHHH a few times. I mean really, this makes it hard to take care of her like every kid deserves to be cared for. His lack of support just makes it hard. I can do it and I trust that God will be certain that I can, but it is just so wrong of any parent to do this to their child when they can afford to make a few sacrifices to not leave their child having to do without so much. Anyways, after I sent out a few frustrated AHHHHs, I really couldn't help myself to feel even more sorry for him and to pray for him even more.
How badly he must feel about himself - especially in light of my reaction to him. I text him and said for God to be with him because what he was doing to her was unfair and wrong. I told him I would pray for him. And I will. And I have and I will continue to do so. It really isn't about money even, it's about love. I mean, I would give up everything if it was something she needed, something to help her along the path of being all she can be. Even when I had money, I never spoiled my kids, it was always about giving them what they needed.
I just this very minute got a call from him saying if I couldn't support our daughter why didn't I let her go and live with him and he wouldn't want any support from me as he could afford to support her better than I can. Really now, if he can do all of that, why doesn't he do it now. He wished me a great life saying that he's leaving next week. I told him to go with God.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer for the children caught in the mess of divorce. I ask you to join me in prayer - again - that marriages in trouble turn to God before they turn to divorce. God hates divorce and so do I. This was never the desire of my heart and I know it was not God's first choice.
Hallelujah!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I'm Changing
It is really strange having been forced into a different life than I would have ever planned for myself. It's kind of like I am seeing myself from the outside at times. While I am watching me, I am learning someone new. I have really changed. I see my boundaries rising up and I see me learning to give myself the freedom to not let people cross them. God does answer prayers. For about a year and a half, I have prayed to be a stronger woman. I am becoming that woman, praise the Lord.
Sunday was an Experiencing the Spirit Service at church and I told of how lately I have been "crunching" (having a difficult time) and how even through this crunch, I have this overwhelming sense of trust in the Lord. It's kind of like no matter what life has been giving me, I know that there is something more. That does not go to say that I don't wish that more were now.
After having thoughts of letting my guard down in some areas and joining the world in their viewpoints, I have learned that I want to live within the parameters of God's will. God knew I was going to see that this is what I want even before I did and I saw him make adjustments around me to make this happen to help me see it sooner rather than later.
Do you remember Sesame Street's "One of these things just doesn't belong here" song and game? I feel that way sometimes. I don't always feel "normal" and I don't always feel that I belong in that I know that I have to keep strong in my walk with the Lord. I wake up to Christian music. I watch Changing Your World M-F and shout hallelujah each morning getting excited by the empowering of the word of God as I am putting on my face for the day. I love all things of Christ. I know that for me, I have to keep myself in all things of Christ because if I don't, I fall outside of His parameters for me. I must stay vigilant.
I have seen in this past few months a strength rising up in me that is not of me. I give full credit to God in me although I do give myself a little credit for seeking to find the things Christ has for me. I am not lazy in this endeavor. I live by doing all things as if I am doing them for the Lord as well as my new motto of not walking by how I feel. This strength has carried me through some crap. Crap that at times causes me to throw my hands up and say AHHHHHHHHH. Crap that at times causes me to take a moment and breathe through. Crap that always causes me to turn straight to the Lord.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we all embrace the changes we are seeking in Christ. That we let him mold us by filling ourselves up with the things of Him. That we strive to know Him more and trust that what He changes us into is exactly who and what He wants us to be. That we don't give up because after all, change is good - especially if we are letting him have all the glory.
Hallelujah!
Sunday was an Experiencing the Spirit Service at church and I told of how lately I have been "crunching" (having a difficult time) and how even through this crunch, I have this overwhelming sense of trust in the Lord. It's kind of like no matter what life has been giving me, I know that there is something more. That does not go to say that I don't wish that more were now.
After having thoughts of letting my guard down in some areas and joining the world in their viewpoints, I have learned that I want to live within the parameters of God's will. God knew I was going to see that this is what I want even before I did and I saw him make adjustments around me to make this happen to help me see it sooner rather than later.
Do you remember Sesame Street's "One of these things just doesn't belong here" song and game? I feel that way sometimes. I don't always feel "normal" and I don't always feel that I belong in that I know that I have to keep strong in my walk with the Lord. I wake up to Christian music. I watch Changing Your World M-F and shout hallelujah each morning getting excited by the empowering of the word of God as I am putting on my face for the day. I love all things of Christ. I know that for me, I have to keep myself in all things of Christ because if I don't, I fall outside of His parameters for me. I must stay vigilant.
I have seen in this past few months a strength rising up in me that is not of me. I give full credit to God in me although I do give myself a little credit for seeking to find the things Christ has for me. I am not lazy in this endeavor. I live by doing all things as if I am doing them for the Lord as well as my new motto of not walking by how I feel. This strength has carried me through some crap. Crap that at times causes me to throw my hands up and say AHHHHHHHHH. Crap that at times causes me to take a moment and breathe through. Crap that always causes me to turn straight to the Lord.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we all embrace the changes we are seeking in Christ. That we let him mold us by filling ourselves up with the things of Him. That we strive to know Him more and trust that what He changes us into is exactly who and what He wants us to be. That we don't give up because after all, change is good - especially if we are letting him have all the glory.
Hallelujah!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Peace In A Storm
Today has not been my best day. Although far from one of my worst, definitely not one of my best. Today was my 15th wedding anniversary and no a miracle of him calling me and wishing me even a hello and I wish things had been different came through. You know what though, I don't even think I want that anymore. However, I have been feeling a bit of pressure and strain lately and whereas the old Dianne was a runner and would leave many situations on a whim, the new me is forcing myself to stay put, not go by how I feel and hang in there. Hmmm, I did, however, come across a christian commune in Canada that sounds interesting. Hee hee, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, but they do take visitors for up to 6 months at a time and the union sheet talking about unpaid leaves of absence came across my desk today. Coincidence?
Anyways, today my son, who has chosen to not live the life that I so wanted for him and tried to show him how to live was taken away to jail after a very interesting late afternoon I spent with some police officers yesterday. To find out the things I have had to find out about him are disconcerting at the minimal. However, as the hurt of his choice and the thought of what that choice will cost my family was beginning to come over me, something greater came over me. I began to praise God. Hey, aren't we supposed to do that in the storms? Well, I did. You know, God is so darn great and He is good. I just know that something good will come of this.
I have this new motto inside of me. It goes something like, I will not walk by how I feel. I will walk by faith. Even though I don't walk by how I feel, I do at times, not feel the best but at those times, I am really learning to give things over to God. How can I not when I have walked through some really rough times and come out as I have, though not unscathed, still a person that can love others as much as I do. I am truly blessed. I have a friend that tells me frequently how one of the things they love about me is that I have been through those times and I am still a nice and good person. It's not me, it's Christ in me. God is greater than any trials we face and as long as we don't give up on Him, there is nothing that can bring us down.
So today, I ask you to join me in prayer - again for the marriages in our lives, but specifically for my son as well. That God will place a man in his life that can bring my son to his knees. I told an officer yesterday that my son's father really wasn't a good man, but there is a father that my son could turn to that could truly make a difference in His life. I know, because he's made a difference in mine. There is always hope in the Lord.
Hallelujah!
Anyways, today my son, who has chosen to not live the life that I so wanted for him and tried to show him how to live was taken away to jail after a very interesting late afternoon I spent with some police officers yesterday. To find out the things I have had to find out about him are disconcerting at the minimal. However, as the hurt of his choice and the thought of what that choice will cost my family was beginning to come over me, something greater came over me. I began to praise God. Hey, aren't we supposed to do that in the storms? Well, I did. You know, God is so darn great and He is good. I just know that something good will come of this.
I have this new motto inside of me. It goes something like, I will not walk by how I feel. I will walk by faith. Even though I don't walk by how I feel, I do at times, not feel the best but at those times, I am really learning to give things over to God. How can I not when I have walked through some really rough times and come out as I have, though not unscathed, still a person that can love others as much as I do. I am truly blessed. I have a friend that tells me frequently how one of the things they love about me is that I have been through those times and I am still a nice and good person. It's not me, it's Christ in me. God is greater than any trials we face and as long as we don't give up on Him, there is nothing that can bring us down.
So today, I ask you to join me in prayer - again for the marriages in our lives, but specifically for my son as well. That God will place a man in his life that can bring my son to his knees. I told an officer yesterday that my son's father really wasn't a good man, but there is a father that my son could turn to that could truly make a difference in His life. I know, because he's made a difference in mine. There is always hope in the Lord.
Hallelujah!
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