It is really strange having been forced into a different life than I would have ever planned for myself. It's kind of like I am seeing myself from the outside at times. While I am watching me, I am learning someone new. I have really changed. I see my boundaries rising up and I see me learning to give myself the freedom to not let people cross them. God does answer prayers. For about a year and a half, I have prayed to be a stronger woman. I am becoming that woman, praise the Lord.
Sunday was an Experiencing the Spirit Service at church and I told of how lately I have been "crunching" (having a difficult time) and how even through this crunch, I have this overwhelming sense of trust in the Lord. It's kind of like no matter what life has been giving me, I know that there is something more. That does not go to say that I don't wish that more were now.
After having thoughts of letting my guard down in some areas and joining the world in their viewpoints, I have learned that I want to live within the parameters of God's will. God knew I was going to see that this is what I want even before I did and I saw him make adjustments around me to make this happen to help me see it sooner rather than later.
Do you remember Sesame Street's "One of these things just doesn't belong here" song and game? I feel that way sometimes. I don't always feel "normal" and I don't always feel that I belong in that I know that I have to keep strong in my walk with the Lord. I wake up to Christian music. I watch Changing Your World M-F and shout hallelujah each morning getting excited by the empowering of the word of God as I am putting on my face for the day. I love all things of Christ. I know that for me, I have to keep myself in all things of Christ because if I don't, I fall outside of His parameters for me. I must stay vigilant.
I have seen in this past few months a strength rising up in me that is not of me. I give full credit to God in me although I do give myself a little credit for seeking to find the things Christ has for me. I am not lazy in this endeavor. I live by doing all things as if I am doing them for the Lord as well as my new motto of not walking by how I feel. This strength has carried me through some crap. Crap that at times causes me to throw my hands up and say AHHHHHHHHH. Crap that at times causes me to take a moment and breathe through. Crap that always causes me to turn straight to the Lord.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we all embrace the changes we are seeking in Christ. That we let him mold us by filling ourselves up with the things of Him. That we strive to know Him more and trust that what He changes us into is exactly who and what He wants us to be. That we don't give up because after all, change is good - especially if we are letting him have all the glory.
Hallelujah!
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