When my life fell apart (and kept falling) I remember how badly it hurt and I remember praising God through it just like the song says "I will Praise you in the storm". Although I was sure by then He would have reached down and wiped my tears away, it took a while for that point to come to me. I remember times crying and praising Him and thanking Him for the hardship because I knew that someday He would turn those moments around for His glory. I think His glory is starting to come.
God is starting to use me in the exact places that I used to be to help others heal in their places. Today I helped a friend who is going through a break up and through that I was able to see how God is healing me. She spoke of how everywhere she sees couples and love and I remember how that hurt when I was new in the process. Guess what, I don't see just couples and love among those couples anymore. I see a whole world full of love and I'm part of it. Guess what else, when I discovered this, I stopped everything and took a moment to praise God for healing me.
I think that one of the things that has helped me to continue in this process of healing is that I decided to get out of the insanity of my life and listened to the people in my church and I let myself go through the process of grieving my losses and letting go of what I wanted and giving it all to God. That process doesn't feel good all those darn stages of grief, anger, hurt, despair, but it is unfortunately true that we need to go through them to get to the other side or else we could find ourselves stuck. I don't want to be stuck anymore. I am so grateful to the people in my church that got me through those times. I will never forget how after one particularly yucky incident a sister prayed with me and I swear I felt her hold me through that phone. Dang, she really made a difference in my life in that moment.
I want to make a difference. Funny, after helping my friend today, God just kept bringing other opportunities to shine for him and people noticed. I even found myself fellowshiping with a woman I had never met before on the elevator. It was awesome. Today, for the very first time, I praised God for the hardships He guided me through because today I knew that He really does turn those things around for His glory if we just hang in there and trust Him through those times.
I had to see my Whatever Friday night and although the love is not totally gone, I was pleased to see how much I had changed and saddened to see how stuck he was in the same stage as when I last dealt with him. When our meeting ended, I found myself praising God for what He has done in me. I found myself praying for my whatever and anybody who never takes the time to self-assess and see what's wrong within themselves and gives their life to Christ with the desire to be what God calls them to be. It was amazing how when I calmly stood firm on the one issue I needed to discuss with him, which was supporting our daughter, how he danced around the issue angrily, blamed me for everything, and was very animated in our conversation, but how when he saw that I was not reacting, but staying firm in my stance, he somewhat calmed, but never to the point of being reasonable. How sad that he carries so much of, I don't really know what towards me that it clouds his judgement of caring for our daughter. That's his choice and his loss as well. She and I will be fine.
He told me at the end of our conversation, maybe to hurt me because I wasn't reacting as he had hoped, that he was going to start the divorce. That hurt a little, but as I told him go with God, still remaining calm, I figured that if he did then that would be on him and who knows, maybe I do need a divorce, but God will work it all out - again, in His time and according to his riches and glory. I trust Him. Besides, I don't need to rush into anything I am - remember, giving myself a break.
Oh, and by the way, I want to share that the break is WONDERFUL!!! As I said though, I have not become complacent in my walk with the Lord, I actually think I am growing in it. I know that I am growing closer to my daughter and by me not being so busy, I have more time to share with her and I am seeing the benefits of this.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we each are able to reach out to people to help them to hang on through whatever they are going through. That we can convince them that God will be glorified in the end. That we show them how to praise them in the storms of life because His glory will come. That they will be ok. That we thank those who helped us and we always try to remember to not walk how we feel but remain a constant light for His glory.
Hallelujah!
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