Well, my whatever left yesterday to go live in Mexico. Of course, he stated that he wanted to take our daughter with him, but of course, I am not giving her up. I can't help but state that I am kind of thrilled at this moment to not be wealthy because if I were, I would probably renew her passport which expires next month, but being as I can't afford it, God has worked it all out that her passport will expire and will not be renewed. Therefore, if he wants her to visit there, he will not only have to pay for her ticket there and back, but for the renewal of her passport. There, that said I have to share how I think I've made it.
Of course, this most recent of departures of him caused me to watch her for signs of hurt, anxiety, whatever, however, it caused me to watch myself for the same. I was pleased to see I was ok. The most exciting part is that today I saw a picture of him and my daughter taken at his going away party last weekend. Now mind you, for whatever reason, I kind of like them ugly. You know, Billy Bob Thorton, Gary Busey, Mick Jagger, you get the picture. Well, my husband was, to me, beautiful in his ugliness. However, this picture of my whatever appeared to me to be an ugly man. I mean something I would never be attracted to. PRAISE GOD!!!! No hurt, no man I love that man, no I miss that person. I only saw EEEWWWW. I, to be honest with you, found myself looking at that picture and not even caring about that person.
I think I made it to the point I needed to get to with only a little bit left to go as I still have a little hurt over how badly he duped me and took me for all I had materially. However, I hope I haven't gone too far. I hope God will reign me in and allow for me to find a way to care enough about him to pray for him as looking at that person in the picture, I had no desire to even do that anymore. I'm certain that God will iron this out as I believe his promise of Philippians 1:6 "He that begin a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". I know that He will allow for me to eventually care a little about the ugly to me person in that picture in a way that won't hurt me, after all, I matter too.
Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we can each acknowledge when we take a step in whatever healing process we are on. I also - totally different subject - ask you to join me in prayer for my Celebration of Life Party that God just so be there. I have invited almost everybody and am inviting God daily to be there as well. Today I secured a DJ and he seems to be in line with what my plan and dream is for the day so I ask that God will just bless this event. I am really excited to share these moments with all those that attend.
Hallelujah!!
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