Telling it Like it Is

I have never felt that it was fair of so many - mainly women, who, when there is a separation or divorce, to take so much from the father in child support or alimony that the man can barely support himself much less buy the child a gift now and then on their visits with him. To me, that was just another horrible misfortune of divorce. I am all for fairness. I sat down a few weeks ago and did an honest assessment of what it takes to raise my daughter in the manner which she deserves to be cared for as far as finances go, and mind you, I completely forgot the cost of housing for her.

Being as the child support we receive was sporadic at best, I presented half of this amount to her father as an amount he should consider giving. He came to give us $40 because I couldn't even buy milk at the end of the month. Granted, I - because I just felt so comfortable in my trust of God really wasn't stressing about it, I was somewhat distressed at the minimal amount he was tossing our way, oh and don't forget the accusations of where the money I earn from my job is going. Anyways, when presented with this amount, which is an extremely, bare minimum amount, he balked and had his standard jumping around ugly and angry fit. Now mind you, this is someone who eats out at Red Lobster for lunch and Black Angus for dinner no less than 8 times a week and has the financial freedom to come and go from here to Mexico as he desires. This is someone who has a marijuana habit that runs in the range of $140 a week easy with all the joys of the varieties of things to buy and the medical marijuana places after he received a license to purchase them because his knee hurt.

You see, we owned a business together that is still thriving. However, he, in anticipation of the moves he planned on making "gave" the business to his son. He works when he's here, but his son sends support money to him each month, more than I even make in a mnoth, where he is living in Mexico in the house that my money built and paid for and that contains all of the items from our 5 bedroom home here that my daughter and I had to leave behind when we - let's just say, escaped from there. He's pretty set.

Anyways, when I presented him with the more than fair child support amount which he balked at, he told me a bare minimal amount that he was going to give and that he would give that on the first of each month. The first came and went and I text and said what's up. He called back and left a message that he was going to give his support on the 15th of each month. I again text him back (I see no need to talk to someone unreasonable) saying fine, but please mail me a check because our daughter does not need to be in the middle of adult matters. Well, yesterday came and not only did he give our daughter cash to deal with, the amount was just a little over half of the amount he owed.

In light of the fact that he's going back to Mexico next week, I had dropped my daughter off at a Panda Express to eat with him and I caught a quick glance of them together, and this was before I even knew of his latest slight as far as supporting her. I felt sorry for him. She is so wonderful, such an interesting young woman and they were so close. He is missing out on so very much, not only of having her in his life, but of sharing a life with both she and I. He may have all of our "stuff" but I've really gotten the better end of the deal. I have her and we are free from living in fear of him.

I met up with my daughter at my mom's and she put the money in my wallet, I still didn't know the amount. When my mom and I went to the grocery store, I counted and called my daughter and asked her if the amount was right, assuring me it was, I hung up and couldn't help but say AHHHHHHHHH a few times. I mean really, this makes it hard to take care of her like every kid deserves to be cared for. His lack of support just makes it hard. I can do it and I trust that God will be certain that I can, but it is just so wrong of any parent to do this to their child when they can afford to make a few sacrifices to not leave their child having to do without so much. Anyways, after I sent out a few frustrated AHHHHs, I really couldn't help myself to feel even more sorry for him and to pray for him even more.

How badly he must feel about himself - especially in light of my reaction to him. I text him and said for God to be with him because what he was doing to her was unfair and wrong. I told him I would pray for him. And I will. And I have and I will continue to do so. It really isn't about money even, it's about love. I mean, I would give up everything if it was something she needed, something to help her along the path of being all she can be. Even when I had money, I never spoiled my kids, it was always about giving them what they needed.

I just this very minute got a call from him saying if I couldn't support our daughter why didn't I let her go and live with him and he wouldn't want any support from me as he could afford to support her better than I can. Really now, if he can do all of that, why doesn't he do it now. He wished me a great life saying that he's leaving next week. I told him to go with God.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer for the children caught in the mess of divorce. I ask you to join me in prayer - again - that marriages in trouble turn to God before they turn to divorce. God hates divorce and so do I. This was never the desire of my heart and I know it was not God's first choice.

Hallelujah!