Happy Anniversary

Tomorrow is my 15th Wedding Anniversary. I think the hardest part of my marriage being lost is the factor of time. Like dang, tomorrow he and I should have had a big plan because tomorrow should have been a celebration of hanging in there, for better or for worse. The fact that 15 years of marriage to this person is drawing to a close means that the probabilities of me reaching a 25 year mark of marriage are totally dwindling. How amazing it is that people get to celebrate such things. I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to wear matching jackets rooting for a favorite team, or t-shirts that said "I'm his" and "I'm hers", whatever, I wanted to be celebrating tomorrow. As Francesca Battistelli's new song says, "Love's not easy, but it's worth it." Heck, our family was worth it.

The other day I saw that my Whatever's selling his car and for just a moment, I crunched. My take on it was, great - another nail in the already pretty nailed shut coffin of our marriage. I have a dear friend who I have assigned the duty of, when I'm crunching, it is his duty to remind me of how blessed I am and how much better off not only me, but my daughter are now. He doesn't even have to talk too much anymore, I know. However, sometimes I just crunch and need a reminder.

I'm not crunching right now. I was remarking the other day, without reminders from anyone, how wonderful things are, it's really all just perspective. I met a new friend and when we were done talking I realized that they are "the cup's almost empty type" person whereas I am certainly the opposite. I think that they must have remarked on the difference between us later as I got a text that thanked me for being a shining light. What a cool text. What a cool truth.

God is certainly good and I am so excited for my party (March 5) as I am certain that God is going to be in the mix as he has filled me with so much love. Although tomorrow, my choice would still be to dedicate another 15 years of marriage to my husband and have my heart overflow with love for him as I am certain it would if he had chosen a different path. I am not without the ability to love. Sometimes I feel as if my heart is going to burst with all the love I feel for those around me. People are great, all of them and all of them are love worthy, you just have to find it.

So, Happy Anniversary to me. As I woke up the other morning thinking of tomorrow, God just about brought me to my knees praying for Whatever. Praying that he find his way. Praying that maybe someday he sees all that he had and never hurts anybody in the manner he seems to have made a pattern of doing again. Not praying for God to bring him back to me, but just praying that all the hurting stop. I have found that he was always full of anger, hatred and foulness when dealing with me. I asked him what his problem was as I have left him completely alone, only calling him when necessary for our daughter's sake and doing that rarely. I told him that all I am doing in regards to him is raising our child. He doesn't talk to me like that anymore.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer simply that marriages of those in our worlds stay strong. That they all meet and surpass the 15 year mark. After all, God, at the end of the day, still hates divorce.

Hallelujah!