Digging Deeper

I wrote a blog - you can reread it if you like, called Nothing is Perfect and Baby Gates. It spoke of how Spike, my dog, needed to be restricted from my daughter's room with a baby gate because of the fact that he wanted to pee on her pants on the floor. Well, a baby gate solved that problem for some time. However, I have (much to my dismay) discovered that Spike has discovered a new peeing spot in a place just as unacceptable in her room, the front room, one small area. Well, NOT COOL!!!! This is a dog who has free access via a dog door to the patio with the golf course grass and potted plants to pee in. I cleaned the area with some home remedy designed to take out the pee smell and then he peed on the concoction. Spike is so very grounded. No more free house access at all. He sleeps in a crate and now the door is shut at night. He is outside on the patio during the day and when we are away from home.

This got me to thinking about me. Sometimes it seems as if I create a new boundary for myself but find that that just isn't enough. I need to go even a step further. I think this is true of the human race because I notice it in certain circumstances with my daughter. I also have been noting this in my Christian walk. I can not get lax in my walk with God and there are times, that I see that I need to step it up just a bit as well.

Some of you have noticed that I have been quiet for a while. I have been thinking about things. My Whatever called me on my birthday and it kind of confused me just a little. Even amidst the confusion though I was praising God for wisdom and a new ability to see things more clearly. He left in August to go find himself in Mexico, came back in December for whatever reason, acted during the probably 3 times we dealt with each other like he hated me and left again about a month and half ago to go live in Mexico.

Well, in the conversation on my birthday he told me Happy Birthday and then after I thanked him he said that he was standing in "our" house (when I asked him to buy me out of our house when he was here he said it wasn't my house anymore) and was lonely because it was so empty. He said he wasn't happy there. I said how could you be, you left the best part of you behind, me and our daughter. He asked if I would want to go live there. I said that all I ever wanted was for him to love me and treat me as a good husband should. I then laughed and said you don't love me and you know that. He then said that he wasn't sure if he missed me or if he missed our daughter. He then asked if we were doing okThat was the conversation.

This is what my brain heard. "Hey, why don't you come here and let me see if maybe you guys will make me happy and if not, let me dispose of you again". I was so grateful to God. What a glorious God that let me see what this man really needs. He needs God. I told him that. I said that he would not ever find that happiness until he found God. I just wish that he would see this. I was so able to see that he has not changed. He is still lost and I am seeing first hand as a healing person what it looks like to see an active runner finding that wherever they go, they will be there and that they will still be as lost as they were in the place they ran from. He needs to dig deeper than surface running. He needs to get on his knees and turn his eyes upon Jesus.

Talking to him sombered me a bit and caused me feel a little confused about having given up on my stand for God to restore my marriage. I am somewhat at a loss for words to describe how I have felt about this except to come up with the word sombered. Somewhat numbed, sad and confused. However, I have come to the realization that all I can do is pray for him that he find his way while continuing on the path set before me. To raise my daughter and to give my entire life to God not questioning why, just trusting Him that if I do my best, He will take up the slack. Therefore, I am digging deeper.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we don't get confused in what it is God wants for us. That we continue to trust Him and know that He will iron things out in His time and in His way. That we dig deeper in those confusing times. Join me in prayer for those runners that we know that they will find God and have to run no more. That maybe just maybe, even my Whatever will end up on his knees someday.

Hallelujah!