A little better all the time... Well, Sunday really threw me for a loop. I can't even explain why, but my heart and my head got messed up all because of a stupid two minute conversation with my STBX. I went to my Financial Peace University class on Tuesday night and walked out of the part of the video directed at married couples. I found myself near tears or near a fit of rage, so I thought it would be best to avoid either and went out of the room for a moment.
I have struggled this week to get back to where I worked so hard to get myself to this past month and was prior to that conversation. Can you just believe it? I have had trouble believing it myself. I found myself hurting all over again over the loss I felt, hoping that God still might change thing and being so full of anger over the choices my STBX has made that I almost couldn't stand myself. That's ok though because I know where God has brought me and I know that I am right where He wants me to be.
My daughter found herself at a point of anger with him this week too. He has decided that he does not want to pay any child support, something I really was never counting on but of course hoping for. However, I think when he said that he wasn't going to give anything, it was just another slap in the face to both of us in that it reminded us both of how we were disposable and unimportant to him. I am glad she got angry - at least she let that one out. I was a bit more hurt than angry because his lack of caring for her especially can cut me deeply.
Funny too, I went to worship rehearsal tonight and I love love love my worship team family and I love singing praises to the Lord. Funny thing, I live a life of prayer, but I live a life of song as well. For every sitution you are faced with, there is a song that you can sing to get yourself out of that funk. Praise the Lord, but worship rehearsal certainly took some of the edge off of the funk I was letting myself fall into and having a hard time getting out of.
Today I ask you to join me in praising God that he gave us hearts for worship and music to sing. He must have known that these could be things we could and would use to lift ourselves back to where we need to be.
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
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