As I sit here to write this tonight, I am numb and near tears. The tears are not those of sadness but of amazement and awe at how much God is showing himself in my life lately. I said yesterday that I wish he would shout at me but I wasn't realizing that he is doing just that. It is taking for me to truly let go and let God to hear how loudly he is speaking to me. I am so amazed by Him. I guess that is what it takes to really hear the voice of God for me. It has taken for me to completely give up my will and to surrender to his will that has allowed for me to hear him so clearly.
I will not sit here and say that giving up what you want for what God wants is all that fun or without fear, it is not. While I still don't really want to do His will in all areas of my life, the thing is is that I am. I have surrendered, even though I would give anything for that surrender to be to what I want. Although I am sad at what I am losing, I am so very excited at the same time because I just know that He must have something so very wonderful in store for me. I just can't wait to see what it is and will be so glad when even my will, not just my actions fall in line with what He wants for me. But hey, I need to give myself a break - after all, I am human and at least I am doing what he asks me to without too much of a fuss - even if I don't want to.
If you read my post about God still does do miracles, you will recall that he did just that, a huge miracle in my life just a few short weeks ago. Well, today, there was a possibility that miracle could have been taken away. I started being human and fretting and all - you, I'm sure know the drill. But I swear, I was at work, and I might have even said this out loud, I honestly couldn't tell you, but I - in the midst of a worried thought, stopped and said "NO - Lord, you gave me this miracle and you did not just do that to stop before it all came to fruition. I am trusting you Lord that this miracle will not leave my hands." My friends, it was no more than 30 minutes later than my miracle was handed back to me - almost in complete fullness. I will need to pass a test in probably October or November, but this miracle is mine and nothing can take it from me! Oh friends, I couldn't help but go outside to shout a praise to God and shed a tear. I can't believe how much he wants me to have whatever he is guiding me towards.
I am so completely blessed and in awe of our awesome God. I am so indebted to surrender to this, to this something that he is guiding me towards.
To top it off, I went at 5:00 today and found a perfectly perfect for my daughter and I to live in apartment. This apartment is brand new on the inside, in an somewhat ok place to live, and my daughter is absolutely thrilled about the fact that we will each have our own sink in the bathroom. You know the best part is that she can walk to school which cuts out the monthly expense for the bus pass which will be even better. This apartment even has a large patio that I could possibly put grass in and make for a small yard. Above all else, my budget will not be eaten up by the place I live in. Yes, God was there and I look forward to inviting people over to bless the place with me.
Ok, enough of this somber tone. Get ready to laugh now. My husband has this dog that adores me and that I in turn have seriously grown to love, he tells me I can't have the dog, but I am certain that when he sees how selfish he is to keep him, he will give in to me taking him. I asked my Dr. for a letter stating that I am going through a separation, could I please have a note stating that Spike is my companion dog as I will be really sad to even lose the dog. I got the letter and this letter cut out any problem and waived the $500 pet deposit. Praise God - Spike's in. Maybe God even wants me to have the dog.
Today I ask you to again join me in prayer that families don't fall apart. I ask you to join with me in praising God for allowing us to be human all the while we are trying our best to do His will. Today I ask for you to pray that my husband will let me have the dog - my companion dog that is. Please pray that this new move will provide the peace in heart that God promises us and will move my daughter and I to an even closer state and one that shows how God truly can restore what Satan tried to destroy. I ask you to pray that each of us keeps on fighting - even when it hurts so very bad that we want to give up.
God bless! Hallelujah! I am Lord, I'm amazed by you...
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