Remember the old song? I don't want to play house, it makes my mommy cry... As I am packing up this apartment I have shared with my husband and daughter, I realize that I have been playing house. I tried and tried to make this a home, but that is something very difficult to do when there is somebody living in your midst that does not want that.
I spent some time alone in my new apartment last night and was remarking at God and how he has so carried me through this difficult time this past year. I also remarked at, though the neighborhood is going to take some getting used to, I remarked at the peace I felt in the new place. I especially remarked at that as the moment that I pulled into the old apartments parking area and I began to shake with the anxiety that I have been struggling with this past month being here.
I even remarked how in the future - when I arrive home late from whatever thing I will be doing that will be in God's will, as I was last night, that nobody will say to me "Where have you been? You are getting high aren't you". I guess I won't miss constant accusations. Did you know that even going to worship rehearsal can be turned into something bad? Neither did I.
Today I ask you to pray that we all find our peace. That marriages will not be throwaway items, nor will people. I ask you to pray that as a peace that passes understanding comes over me, I will notice what it is life is supposed to be like, not what it has been for so long and I will praise God for every moment.
Hallelujah! No more playing house, I'm out to make a home.
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