Great Opportunity

I think that some of the best lessons we get to teach others is when we are caught off guard and get the opportunity to let who and whose we are just shine through naturally. Yesterday I got such an opportunity with my daughter.

I had taken an exam for a position in Napa, one which I failed. Not being a quitter (and the fact that I had already applied to take the same exam here in Sacramento in my current Department) I took the same exam about 6 weeks ago. Both exams were in the form of an interview and I knew going into the second exam that I had just failed the Napa exam. Having heard the news that I failed the first exam within 4 days via mail. I was told in the second exam that it would be 4 - 6 weeks for news to come of how I did.

Yesterday - as I was taking my daughter to turn in her paperwork for her first ever job, she grabbed the mail and brought it into the car with us. I saw the envelope. Upon seeing the envelope, I immediately grabbed it and prayed telling God that I knew that whatever was in that envelope was His will and I was ok with whatever news it held. I opened the envelope and began crying and praising God upon reading the words "Congratulations, you have successfully...." I thanked Him greatly and explained to my daughter that this could make a huge difference in our life if I could get a job that I could now apply for with the passing of the test.

I was thinking as she was in taking care of her business for her job that my reaction to the news was probably in God's plan for her to see Christianity and trust in the Lord first hand. I wasn't kidding as I prayed over that unopened envelope, and the tears of gratitude were not made up by any means, even taking me somewhat by surprise. I saw her at one point look at me more nicely than her normal look. It was cool.

Anyways, I am thanking God again for her having had the opportunity to see a bit of the real me, something that is growing every day. My trust and my faith. No matter what, I know that He has something in store for me. A God who understands that right now, I am thanking Him for the opportunity to have a break from her as she is in Phoenix visiting my son for spring break. I laughed at myself last night as I was walking back to my car in the airport parking lot. I caught myself on about the third stanza of singing "I'm free." Yes, God is good as are breaks from your kids.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we remember how blessed we are, no matter what the contents of unopened envelopes hold. That we thank God when we see he is getting through to us and that He is starting to shine through us for others to see.

Hallelujah!

Goupon

http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380

Hey you guys - this is my new task, I am here to advertise Groupon to you. I'm cool with this assignment because I have actually used Groupon. Around Christmas time there was an offer for $30 worth of product at Leatherby's for $15.00. I purchased - I think two of the Groupon coupons and made a stocking stuffer out of it for my daughter. I combined the coupons with an Entertainment Book coupon for Leatherby's as well and don't you just know that my daughter took my mom there and they had such a nice lunch date. http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380

I have seen offers for bowling, miniature golf, massages, etc - all for a really discounted price. The deal is is that because so many of us will buy the product they can offer these group prices, therefore the name - Groupon. I truly recommend keeping your eye out for these daily deals. I have it hooked up where I receive and email every day that tells me what the offer of the day is. That is where you need to act quickly - they truly are offers of the day and go away in a day.
http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380

Take a peek, it's easy, all you have to do is click on the picture where it says click here. They will only send you one advertisement a day and they are worth it. I have gone in with a friend and purchased a dim sum Groupon coupon and have wanted to do the same for many other deals. Check it out - heck, all you girlfriends of mine, if you see a neat deal that you and I might enjoy together, call me!
http://clickdiscount.com/go/click.php?tid=603380

God is great!

Hallelujah!

HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY - 1 YEAR TODAY

Happy Birthday to this blog, Happy Birthday to this blog....

My goodness, how time flies and how great is our God!!! I think back to where I was one year ago today and I am so grateful to God for how He has turned me around. I started writing this blog to help others who might be going through similar situations as I was. My hope was to help just one person, at least one person. I asked this from God. Little did I know that the person I was helping was ME!!!

I am so grateful to be who I am and who I am still becoming. In this past year, so much has changed, the best part of the change that has occurred is that I know for certain where I want my life headed and the best way that I should be living it. In this past year, I have (many times through trial and error) begun to find my way.

I thank God first, I thank those of you who helped me through (don't leave me now as I am so far from done) and I thank myself for hanging in there, even when I didn't think I could. I look forward to what the next year brings - hopefully you will be right there with me.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that God still continues to shine his light of literacy on me as well as that the areas I see him growing in me will begin to branch out and really make a difference in the lives of others. I think I know where he is leading me and I want to be ready and able to follow His desire for my life.

Blessings to all of you.

Hallelujah!

Something Good Is Happening

I have decided something that I am going to tell very few people about, but I already feel the blessing of God in my decision. I know what I have decided is God's will in my life and that I am finally getting it and I am finally in a place that I can do what He wants me to. I know it isn't going to be easy to stay. I know that times will come when I will want to waiver and possibly even fall short of what I am supposed to do, but I am ready. Something good is going to happen I just know it, it already is. I am going to get better and stronger in my walk with God and my daughter is going to be so blessed because of my decision. Hee hee, I love that girl. I got a gift card to Berean for my "Celebration of Life" and went yesterday and came home with "The Power of a Praying Parent". I raced in the door and said to my girl - you are the luckiest kid in the world. I already pray for you in all you are, but now I am going to learn new ways to do the job even better! Do you know the power of a teenage blank stare. HA HA - didn't phase me. I was still excited and will remain so and am on chapter two. Anyways, something good is happening in my life - right in the midst of the nothing that is already going on. I don't really know what it is yet, but I am more focused on the fact that Jesus is coming and I am doing all I can to be ready for that day. Today join me in prayer that we - if we know what we are knowing, stand up and do what we believe in. That we thank God for speaking to hearts. Hallelujah!

Self Amusement and Lightening the Load

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sometimes I am such a whack that I can't help but laugh at myself because I am truly hilarious at times - even if I am only cracking myself up. At these times, I so thank God for letting the burden and load of this world disappear into the simple craziness of me. I hope I can get this written without my daughter getting angry at me because I know I am going to laugh out loud a good way through this writing. This past weekend I noticed at my daughter's soccer game that she - although she has a perfect little figure, looked like a little bull all stocky in the legs out on the field - you know, the kind of solid in the thighs that stood out. She looked tough and strong. Last night at my Zumba class I noticed that I wasn't moving as agile or as quickly as I normally do. This morning as I was getting dressed I realized I've gotten thick. Not a fat that I'm talking about. I'm talking dense (yes I'm laughing as I write this) and solid. It feels weird. Then it hit me... I got a Magic Bullet blender and since I have been working out alot and my daughter has been playing for her competitive league and school league, I went and got lots of fruits and this protein mix and we have been so good "drinking" all these fruits in these great protein smoothies that I've been making for us daily for the past 3 week. Hee heee... Well, I ran and looked at the container and discovered that yes it provides all these great vitamins and proteins but it helps build mass. OH MY GOSH!!!! I had us on the way to becoming Mother and daughter Hulk Hogans!! Here goes more of the funny part. I told her what I had done to us and she said "That's why I've become Thunder Thighs!" I couldn't help but laugh til my stomach hurt - all the while listening to her try to be mad at me but seeing her face and her realization that this really was kind of a funny situation and hey, she wasn't suffering alone, I am a solid rock myself. Which all got me to thinking of how great our real solid rock, Jesus Christ is. You know, how great is our God! Just like, although I made it so that we now need to put out a little effort to de-bulk, our bulking up was not something we can't redeem ourselves of. We mess up and God will restore us to Him. How great is it that we can mess up here and there, whether knowingly, or, as MOST definitely in my case, unknowingly we can get back to where we need to be. So, forgive me if I put aside the protein for now, I need to be able to lift my feet off the ground, but none the less, I will never put aside my God. I am so happy that even at the depth of my meltdown the other day, when I reflect back, I not even for a second thought of doing that. Today, please join with me in praising God for the people who step up and are the hands and feet of God and who jump in when they are needed to help those who need a little Jesus now. Join with me in praising God for stomach hurting laughter and for times with others that laugh with us, even when they try not to. Join with me praising God that nothing is ever really without hope or beyond repair. God is so great. As for my "thick" situation. I spent all my breaks today going for lengthy walks, got off the bus WAY before I had to to walk home. Hmmm, took me three weeks to get thick, hopefully I can get rid of it in the same amount of time. I'm at least going to try and I am certain that the calories I expend laughing at myself will help along the way. Hallelujah!!

The Weight of My Sin

I had an out and out meltdown today. Not a stitch of a joke here. Started when I went to rehearse for today's songset for the worship team and I just wasn't getting it right, pitchy, forgetting my tune, whatever, I wasn't able to get it right. I felt like something was pressing down on me. However, I found my accountablity partners and we prayed prior to service and all I know is I'm sure I still wasn't that great, but the Holy Spirit was there in that church as we all worshiped God together. I still remember one moment looking around in the sanctuary at the people worshiping God and telling God how much I loved each and every person there and meaning it. I went to go sit down for the service after worship and as the pastor began the sermon, Satan started "having a party in my head". It was nothing like I had ever experienced before. I think it felt like what I have heard anxiety attacks described to be. He was saying things like "go get your daughter, tell the worship leader you are done and leave this church." Things that were coming out of nowhere because I never feel or think those things - EVER!! Being as I began to feel like I was going to scream, I got up and left the sanctuary, not to leave, but to find a sister to pray with me. It was weird, there was no one in the foyer, no one in the kitchen, but in the worship room was the worship leader and a sister from the worship team. I proceeded to melt. The worship leader went and got the other sisters of the team and they held me up while I bared my soul and loved me through my meltdown. No, Satan did not have his way with me completely. Thankfully I am in the midst of a great covering of people in my church who helped me breathe and get through it. Things have been hard lately, but not so hard that I had any intention on giving up or giving in, but I won't deny that I have felt just a bit of the pressure. However, although I was growing in leaps and bounds in other areas, there was one area that I didn't have completely covered and - of course, I am certain that Satan saw my weakness and dug right in, or at least he tried. Part of my pressure has been the sin of that weakness, I know that to be true because I have seen it, but was trying to brush it away. It felt good to admit my weakness and my sadness about another area of my life and be shown and told that one, there is a way out and two, to remember to give things to the Lord and not try to do so much at one time. I am taking these things to heart. I have seen me change lately and I like what I see. I have been letting God lead me in a specific way that could cause me to lead others. This weakness of mine glared in light of where God is leading. I have now been lightened by confessing this weakness and have been shown how to "make things right". Now I'm free to let God use me in this area that I think He is planning to use me. I think I'm one step closer to ready to leading by example and I want to. It's funny how when you think you have let go of everything, something comes along and shows you how wrong you are. I'll say no more on the fact that I think I've let go of everything holding me back because who knows what tomorrow will bring. The one thing I know is that the weight of my sin gave Satan a little bit of a hold in an area that he does not belong to be in. The weight of my sin was holding me back, caused me to nearly freak out at a moment that I didn't expect it and in a way I would have never though possible from myself. I do know that at least in this moment of time, I am free from that weight. Psalm 40:12, For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. I don't want my heart to fail over this issue any longer. Thank you my worship family and my God for providing me with such a loving church and a self that knows that I want to follow you and that I want to see. Today I ask you to join me in prayer that others don't have to have a panic attack or nearly freak out from the weight of their sin. That God allow them to get out from under that weight without something like that having to happen, but that God discern if that is what they need, then let them go through that. I know it worked for me. I got it. Hallelujah! (PS -SORRY FOR THE RUN ON PARAGRAPHS - THE BLOG WOULDN'T LET ME EDIT IT TONIGHT AND THIS IS NOT REALLY HOW I TYPED IT)

Digging Deeper

I wrote a blog - you can reread it if you like, called Nothing is Perfect and Baby Gates. It spoke of how Spike, my dog, needed to be restricted from my daughter's room with a baby gate because of the fact that he wanted to pee on her pants on the floor. Well, a baby gate solved that problem for some time. However, I have (much to my dismay) discovered that Spike has discovered a new peeing spot in a place just as unacceptable in her room, the front room, one small area. Well, NOT COOL!!!! This is a dog who has free access via a dog door to the patio with the golf course grass and potted plants to pee in. I cleaned the area with some home remedy designed to take out the pee smell and then he peed on the concoction. Spike is so very grounded. No more free house access at all. He sleeps in a crate and now the door is shut at night. He is outside on the patio during the day and when we are away from home.

This got me to thinking about me. Sometimes it seems as if I create a new boundary for myself but find that that just isn't enough. I need to go even a step further. I think this is true of the human race because I notice it in certain circumstances with my daughter. I also have been noting this in my Christian walk. I can not get lax in my walk with God and there are times, that I see that I need to step it up just a bit as well.

Some of you have noticed that I have been quiet for a while. I have been thinking about things. My Whatever called me on my birthday and it kind of confused me just a little. Even amidst the confusion though I was praising God for wisdom and a new ability to see things more clearly. He left in August to go find himself in Mexico, came back in December for whatever reason, acted during the probably 3 times we dealt with each other like he hated me and left again about a month and half ago to go live in Mexico.

Well, in the conversation on my birthday he told me Happy Birthday and then after I thanked him he said that he was standing in "our" house (when I asked him to buy me out of our house when he was here he said it wasn't my house anymore) and was lonely because it was so empty. He said he wasn't happy there. I said how could you be, you left the best part of you behind, me and our daughter. He asked if I would want to go live there. I said that all I ever wanted was for him to love me and treat me as a good husband should. I then laughed and said you don't love me and you know that. He then said that he wasn't sure if he missed me or if he missed our daughter. He then asked if we were doing okThat was the conversation.

This is what my brain heard. "Hey, why don't you come here and let me see if maybe you guys will make me happy and if not, let me dispose of you again". I was so grateful to God. What a glorious God that let me see what this man really needs. He needs God. I told him that. I said that he would not ever find that happiness until he found God. I just wish that he would see this. I was so able to see that he has not changed. He is still lost and I am seeing first hand as a healing person what it looks like to see an active runner finding that wherever they go, they will be there and that they will still be as lost as they were in the place they ran from. He needs to dig deeper than surface running. He needs to get on his knees and turn his eyes upon Jesus.

Talking to him sombered me a bit and caused me feel a little confused about having given up on my stand for God to restore my marriage. I am somewhat at a loss for words to describe how I have felt about this except to come up with the word sombered. Somewhat numbed, sad and confused. However, I have come to the realization that all I can do is pray for him that he find his way while continuing on the path set before me. To raise my daughter and to give my entire life to God not questioning why, just trusting Him that if I do my best, He will take up the slack. Therefore, I am digging deeper.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we don't get confused in what it is God wants for us. That we continue to trust Him and know that He will iron things out in His time and in His way. That we dig deeper in those confusing times. Join me in prayer for those runners that we know that they will find God and have to run no more. That maybe just maybe, even my Whatever will end up on his knees someday.

Hallelujah!