I Am a Tree

This past week of the pressure that I dealt with and that I caused someone else, I sought counsel with a girlfriend who prayed with me and mentioned the tree that sways with the wind, but is firmly rooted. Last night at worship rehearsal, after telling my fellow singer of my week and my struggles, she said let's pray right now and again, when prayed for I was reminded to be as a tree that sways with the wind, but is firmly rooted. When she was done praying I told her about my other friend praying the same thing and she said that this was God putting words into her mouth because she didn't even have the right words to say and the words weren't hers.

I get it God. You want me to be a tree. I hear you telling me to stand firm and that yes, it's ok for me to bend and sway, but you want me rooted right where I am. Guess what God. Even before you had those words come from my sister's hearts, I heard you. Thank you Lord for teaching me how to hear your voice.

This last week has been kind of emotional for me and this has bugged me because I was afraid that my tears were a sign of fear and that is something that I fight with all I am because fear is not of God and I am (I think) not afraid of anything and try to live my life worry free. Well, I have been told that as a woman, sometimes it's best for us to let go and cry rather than stuffing it in. Guess I've been being a woman this past week. The weird thing is that I have been crying for two reasons. One, because the pressure against me has been great, but the second is because I am finding myself more and more in awe of God and how I have changed as I seek Him more. It has been a week of amazement on my part because of the awe factor.

Had a totally blessed day today. Went with a new friend to a driving range and really enjoyed that first for me and I didn't even really suck at it. Thank you college class 20 years ago for teaching me form. Went with the same friend to get a flu shot - hey, that's way better than going alone. Then went to dim sum together. That was really enjoyable. All in all, it was really nice to get to know him a bit more. We are going to start running together to help me be able to run a 13 mile marathon in March. I'm looking forward to being able to do this.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we all become like trees and stay rooted in what's right in our lives. That we all know we can bend and sway, but that we don't have to move and flit around. Join me in prayer thanking God for friends, new and old in our lives that provide us with pleasure and fun.

Hallelujah!!

Stand Still and Stay

This past few days have been filled with an intense pressure to give in to something that I know with all I am is not what I should do. When the pressure rises to it's strongest, I hear this voice within me that screams at me to "Stand Still and Stay" to not give up or give in.

There was a time when a self-assessment of my life and of the things I did in it would not bring about the best answers. That is no longer true. I know I am not perfect, but I also know that I am not what I used to be. I know that I am not doing things outside of God's will. Not occasionally, more like not at all. The weird thing is is that I always thought that to live like I am living now would make me "not cool." Guess what, I'm still cool, well, cool just like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but I'm not a dweeb or anything.

So, for now, no matter the pressure against me, I am just going to stand still and stay. God is speaking through my heart and I hear him, and really, it is quite amazing to me how He is not giving me anything more than I can handle. As well for now, I am going to have fun in a totally new "cool" way. Golfing with a buddy on Friday, soccer on Saturday, another blessed service I am sure on Sunday (man last Sunday was awesome). Life lived, the way God intended. Doing my best, serving Him, putting Him first and listening, always listening for His voice to guide me, just as I am doing.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we stand still and stay when we know that what we are doing is correct and within God's will. That we learn to listen for and hear His voice. That we learn to be comfortable in what He is creating us to be.

Hallelujah!

So Far From Perfect and Lessons Learned

Well, today I blew it, but I did the best I could to remedy my mess up. I thought somebody was picking on me and being the new, strong Dianne, I did as the bible said and "confronted my brother in private". Well, I was wrong and ended up having to apologize. Not cool on my part. But I learned something.

I have been under extreme pressure this last few days and have had to withstand quite a storm, something I am continuing to do, but something that, nonetheless has placed a bit of pressure on me. In the midst of this, I took something that was said to me COMPLETELY WRONG! I handled it wrong. The ways I handled it wrong were as follows. 1) I forgot to run my response through my "filter" of my friends. 2) I forgot to use my "I" statements, which would have completely avoided the other party feeling attacked. 3) It was pointed out to me by the other party that I took them off guard and should have talked to them prior to acting hastily. All of these three things were definitely my bad.

Well, I again proved to myself and to others, that I am so far from perfect. This made me feel badly with myself that I blew it so greatly. But in the moments that I felt like crap about my mistake, and yes, I even cried at my disappointment in me, I still had this fight in me that the original pressure I am dealing with as well as this new one, I am not going to give in. I am so glad that I serve such a redeeming God as well. How great it is when it shines so loud and clear that "He will give us no more than we can handle." Even though I still saw the glimmer of hope, I, for a moment felt almost hopeless. In that very moment, something came through to me that brought me to tears, once again (twice in a day, dang, I'm on a roll) in awe of how He really does give us no more than we can handle.

What an affirmation to keep on when we are given that break. Yes, even in the midst of one of my biggest of late screw ups and a really difficult life pressure, I was given a break. It's at those times that I can't help but sing "You Are Amazing" or "How Great Thou Art". Wow. Now, hopefully the other party will forgive me and realize that the good in me outweighs the bad as well as they will not harden their heart towards me, but that is completely up to them and only something I can hope for the best in those two matters. I am so not perfect, but at least I am learning along the way.

Today I ask you to join me in praising the Lord just for who He is. Let's thank him for the times he gives us the breaks we need to let us know that we are not hopeless and that we are on the right paths, even if we screw up.

Hallelujah!

Dang...

I can't imagine having missed today's church service. The Holy Spirit was coarsing through the place, through the people singing praises, through my pastor giving the message. Oh my gosh, it was exactly what I needed. I am so blessed to have been there.

Today Pastor spoke about perseverance, telling us to persevere in our prayer, in our spiritual growth and in our times of failure and loss. The best moment for me came when he spoke of how when failure or loss comes into our lives, that those are just times of feedback. Pastor said how failures in life can lead to resurrections. What hope came to my heart. I am on the right path.

Heck, I know failure, I am so enjoying the resurrection of me for God's glory. Today's service gave me more strength to continue on my path of overcoming my failures and losses. I know that I am not going to quite and that I am going to keep on, but it is so nice to feel that holy spirit all around my whole church family and to realize that I am an integral part of them and that as much as I love and care about each and every one of them, they care about me as well. Dang, it's going to be a great week. I have been recharged!!!

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that the same Holy Spirit that flowed in church today will make himself present in our homes and lives so that we can be lights in whatever we do until we meet again to be recharged. I ask you to join me in prayer thanking God for imparting messages to our pastors that touch us so deeply as to move and give us the strength to keep being the best we can be.

Hallelujah!

Maybe I'm Just Messed, or Maybe God is Talking

Something has been weighing on my heart the past few days. I have been struggling with the fact that I miss what should have been with my husband and some of the things that were. Then I wake up and realize that the things that were weigh far less than the things that should have been. And being as I don't want my past pain to be my point of reference, I try to brush this stuff and tell the Lord that "Hey, this hurts, but I know you've got me covered." So, anyways, yes, I crunch at times even now when I know I have come so far.

It's funny how in the crunch times, little things seem to come at you more. Today I was cold and I reached in blindly to my sock space (tons of socks in there) and pulled out, none other than a pair of his socks. The socks that I loved, the socks that I always used when I was cold and the socks he put on my feet after our daughter was born to help warm me up. (Different pair of socks, just the same brand that I loved). Little things have been coming at me that just keep reminding me of him. When that happens I wonder why and I kind of have deducted that at those times God wants me to pray for him, so I do - shooting in a little prayer for myself as well to get me through those moments.

Anyways, I was in the presence of a young couple this past week and I couldn't help but notice that the wife was not edifying her husband with either her words or her gestures. I know this woman and know some of her own struggles and couldn't help but feel that her responses and actions towards him were from her own insecurites. I could not sleep the other night as I just felt that God was telling me to talk to her. I don't know if it comes from the fact that I so believe in marriages lasting, but I just thought that maybe I could share a few insights with her. After all Titus 2:4 clearly states these older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children. Due to the fact that I could not sleep over this coursing through my heart and mind, I feel that God is telling me to spend a moment with her. Or, am I just so messed up over losing my marriage that I just don't want her to ever go through a divorce. Either way, it sounds to me like I can say a few things in love, love for her and love for her family.

Talk about putting the bible in action. What a scary thing to do.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we are able to leave out band-aids alone. That we don't keep lifting them up to show everybody our owies which slows the healing process. That for those times when we need to change the band-aids, that we do so and do it quickly, so that the healing process can be hastened. Join me in prayer that for the times when our owies start seeping out that we, if necessary, seek help in our healing so that underlying infections don't develop and that we have equipped ourselves with the knowledge of where to go in those times. Join me in prayer that if God speaks to our hearts, we put our own fears aside and trust Him that the outcomes will be ok.

Hallelujah!

I'm Not Going Anywhere

There is a woman at work that I completely bother. I can feel it all the time that no matter how much I stay, she would much rather I go away. I find it so funny that she really doesn't bother me in return. Others notice as well that she doesn't say the best of things to me, but guess what? I don't care. She has no reason to dislike me other than the fact that I rub her the wrong way and that doesn't bother me because I understand. We've all had someone in our life that rubs us wrong. Ha, I'm now on the other end of that stick and am laughing because just because someone rubs us wrong doesn't mean that we rub them wrong because she really doesn't bother me. Besides, I actually like her and I actually care deeply about her and I think that she makes a wonderful difference to her family and to her world. I used to get a little bothered that once she found out I was a christian she seemed to find pleasure in using foul words around me, but you know, I just prayed about it, ignored it and kept on loving her in my Dianne fashion. One thing I had to laugh about is that there is another woman that gets so bothered about the little things she says that she was starting to fight my "battles" for me and get upset at her and say things to her. I told her, don't worry about it, that I was ok and that those things don't bother me. The funny thing is that they don't. I really do care about this lady, she is a loving person and makes such a great difference in her family that I rejoice in the love she shows them, just because she doesn't like me, oh well.

I crack myself up at times. God in my life makes me laugh as well. Not only has he given me the strength to "Stay" during times of trial, He has given me the strength to "Stay" during parts of life that many would walk away from. This strength is rising up in me throughout different parts of my life. I am "choosing" to be strong in His strength. I am loving piggybacking on God. And I am loving adding the words "I choose" to my life because we do have choices and the way that I think is that these choices can be difficult or as simple as I choose to love this woman no matter how she feels about me. (I actually think she likes me, I just rub her wrong.) How cool is it though that we don't have to fight battles, that we can stand and "Stay" and people must go around us, and as long as we are staying in the Light that we are ok. That's one thing we must remember and check ourselves for, I have not once stood in her way and stayed there just to bug her because I knew it would. We can not try to bother others, but I think that is why I am blogging about this because I have never tried to do that, I am sheerly remarking that I bug her just because I am me.

My job - the one that I obtained that allowed for me to financially move out in August to start this new life, is still not mine. I have yet to take the test that I must place in the top three ranks that will allow for me to my position. You know, I could stress and fuss and be worried, but I am remarking that I am not. The financial difference will definitely put a huge strain on me, beyond what I think we can manage, but you know what, God will find a way and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I'm not saying that it isn't on my mind the importance of me doing my best, but isn't that supposed to be on our mind always anyways? Just another part of life isn't it.

Today is going to be such a blessed day. I just listened to an empowering message by Matthew Hagee (when that man opens his mouth to sing, I think angels pop out in his voice.) My daughter woke up in a relatively good mood. I am going to hang with girlfriends tonight and we are going to make vision boards together and eat lots of good food. Life is good and I'm not going anywhere that is going to take me out of God's will for it. No, I'm definitely not going anywhere.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer for the people in our lives that we rub the wrong way. That we stand and love them just the same and no matter what. Join me in prayer for times that we need to just trust God to avoid bringing unnecessary stress in our lives. That we learn to enjoy the piggyback rides of our lives and just relax and be thankful for the freedom from having to walk through the hard parts because He is doing it for us.

Hallelujah!

The Safest Place to Be

What a great day this has been, actually what a great week. I am completely marveling at how wonderful it is to be living a life in God's will. Alas, perfection eludes me, but for the most part, I'm doing ok. Monday night was my first night of my 6 week long "Freedom from Smoking" class and our official quit date is October 25. Come that morning, I am planning on waking up for the first day of the rest of my life to be free from smoking. I know completely that this won't be easy, but I also know that my service to God will be with all I am once I make this step and I know that He is worth the struggle I am sure that I am going to be facing to make this happen. Heck, it's better than nails driven through my hands isn't it.

I had a friend tell me recently that he found his sanctuary in running. I am hoping that running is going to be something I find myself doing in the near future. I don't know why, but it has been calling me since Spring. I keep having this mental picture of me running and I hope that it is something I find myself doing in the next few months. I want to come to that place that joggers talk about, that peace, not that I am not finding peace in my life now, but let's face it, the facts prove that when people quit smoking the chances of weight gain are kind of likely and I am already a chunk. However, on that note I realized what a chunk I am the other day and began taking measures to remedy the situation. Hello my Empower Core Ball - it's already working (Praise the Lord), I see Miss Muffin getting a little smaller.

Today at work, I started getting this new feeling of strength. All week long I have been praying harder than normal as I am walking to work that God will show me what I need to know, show me how to serve Him on the job. That He will use me in the workplace. This week it seems that the knowledge I have gained is starting to fit together and I am starting to understand more. The other day I went to a woman's office area (I don't really know her) and on her desk she had a bible and I commented on it. We small talked for a moment and she mentioned that she was having some rough times on the job - at that moment, I walked back to her and told her quietly "The safest place to be during times of peril is right in the middle of God's will". (I have this posted on my computer at work and isn't it the truth?)

Today that woman called me for business and it was neat to hear as we went to say goodbye, she thanked me for being just what she needed in that moment and told me how the words with me have carried her through the week. Wow, God used me. How exciting that something that he filled me with ran over to her and helped her along and that she was so happy to have found a fellow christian on the job. Praise the Lord. God used me. Isn't that what it's all about?

I am still remarking on how hard the last two weeks were for me and how I CHOSE (key word there) to sit it out, kind of lay low with God and if I can say this, relax through the difficulty trusting that I would get something good out of it for His glory. What greatness I got, all because I made a choice. I got the greatness of knowing that He will carry us through those yucky times and that we don't have to let our feelings mess us up. I felt bad the last few weeks, but I did not let that stop me from smiling on the outside, I didn't let it stop me from praising God, I did not let it stop me from singing. Those bummed feelings stopped me from nothing. I won! Wow, I am victorious, all because I remembered the safest place to be.

Today I ask you to join me in prayer that we all find our safe places. That we trust in those safe places and that we carry on during times of being bummed. I promise it is so cool to get to the other side after them and see that we are stronger, better, and more able to be a blessing to those around us.

Hallelujah!